Reload, Refocus, Respawn

A turning point is coming. The Phoenix is a symbol of re-birth.

Anyone with rational thought at one point or another wonders "what if?" at a point in their life. It's something that happens constantly in sales if you fail to make one and something that can drive you nuts when thinking about this in several different scenarios. The key is that you cannot get mad over what you cannot control. Something I've said to many. Sometimes I should really take my own advice...

You are your own worst critic and when I screw something up, I give myself crap. Even if I did nothing wrong, I always think, how could I have made this better. All these thoughts do are reserve unwanted space in your head, so as some inspirational posts say, raise the rent and kick them out. I think this is mostly in regards to people that give you a hard time but thoughts can be just as real, especially if they affect you in real life. Why give myself crap in a year that has proved nothing but mostly successful? There is no reason to.

Something that is tough in both my gaming community and the MachinaeTribe is the power to simply boot someone. I'm not one to abuse power and I am very lax in what I allow or don't allow. Sometimes things will go out of control, so my hand is forced, and I must take action. I tend to "lack patience" but this is mostly in regards to video games. In real life, I'm a pretty forgiving person, a bit too forgiving in fact. Something I'm still fine tuning to this day in all aspects of my life is how much one should be allowed to get away with before I basically throw in the towel. Sometimes, this all bothers me a bit too much, but the results can't be argued with so I still do what I do and enjoy doing it.

Much of what I've done just for fun has turned into much more than I imagined or originally planned for. Things with Video Gaming Hard Corps and the MachinaeTribe are gonna level up next year. I also realize that at times it will be one over the other due to limited time. This is a thought I will struggle with until it comes down to actually acting on these things starting early next year. What comes before both though is working my ass off to get out of my current place of residence. Before all of these thought of the future though (which I inevitably drive myself nuts with thoughts of) there is MAGFest. As if I wasn't excited/anxious enough already, THIS happened on Twitter...

I dunno what I am going to do with myself when this happens...

MAGFest is going to change me. I think I mentioned this in my last post. Lots of firsts will be happening for me with this whole experience and when I come back, it's straight to work. Work like mad to collect money to get out and a new MaxAttack episode the day after I return. Only things I know are certain at this point. Lots of the other future plans are simply in the works. The moving thing is certain to, just a matter of when. It will be as soon a possible. I don't want to take the amount of time Square-Enix has on Final Fantasy Versus XIII (now Final Fantasy XV) to pull something off that I should have been taking steps towards long ago.

Can't change the past but you can change the present to be able to help shape a new future for yourself. This year has taught me a lot. It's time to put in all into practice and get back in the game. Full speed ahead. #ToTheFuture

To The Future II

I still can't believe this will be happening...

The best way to follow up something is to take a look back. Let's take a look at how the first post ended...

"I have things I need to do on my own as well. For the first time in my life, I'm not only setting personal goals, but they are being made visible so I can see them each day. I'm reading material now in regards to both my work and self-improvement of sorts. It's time to step things up. Again. I'm one of those guys who's always looking for the next best thing and I think this is the best way to go about it all. At the same time, I'm not willing to throw in the towel on VGHC that I've built from the ground up nor the MachinaeTribe that I've made quite the impact  in since joining, starting MachinaeMondays and my promotion to admin before I even started the idea and just simply brought it up. To all those who continue to support me in anything I do, thank you. It means the world to me."The support is much appreciated as always. I actually recently put out video #300 for the Video Gaming Hard Corps channel. I still can't believe I've managed to put out three hundred videos, even if only a select few (with the exceptions of some videos) have really seen them at all. It was a look back, much like the first
"To The Future" post was and much like this one will be.

Today, I stayed home from work due to lack of having a voice. This of course gives me more time to do something I do more than actually game anymore. Think. It's like I fall into limbo and when I come back to my senses, it's time to start the next day. While this likely won't change even after moving (still a most definite plan) I will have achieved more at that point. You are your own worst critic and for all that I have done and accomplished this year, 2014 needs to be even better. I'm proud of lots I've done this year but much of it is overdue progression now finally put into place.

Next year needs to be me even more comfortable in my own shoes which needs to show in any VGHC content as well as on the outside world and at work. I haven't been able to bring that same level of energy and confidence to the YouTube videos which is why I want to try and slow those down and only put out what I feel is well...worth putting up. This doesn't include content that makes itself though, like Twitch to Tube videos, InRetroSpection, and so forth.

A rough idea of what will be going down, I posted on a Facebook status. Some of my thoughts need to go somewhere, right?

"Early goal setting for 2K14:

Q1:

- Make a difference via the Machinae MAGFest meet up.

- Finish #ProjectHayabusa

- Machinae Podcast launch?

- GTFO of Coral Springs

- Get myself back in gear for VGHC and make more use of a scary vocal range I know I have for future videos. If I'm brave enough.

- Get a select few with ability to stream on some VGHC streams/YT vids."

Of these things, MAGFest approaches slowly but surely. I rarely go to shows anymore and I'm going to a crazy gaming events of sorts that I am likely to have a stupid amount of fun at. Anxiety however is at a all time high. I've only traveled outside of the state I live in at the time once. I don't count the time where I had to move to Florida. I've never done it alone. Given my nature, the thought of it bothers me none. It's just that I'm actually doing it and for about a weeks time. I had hoped to have at least one other to enjoy this with me but it seems "the final hoorah" will be spent alone. Maybe I'll hit it off well with the Tribe members for the planned meetup. Yeah, I'm kinda planning a event to meet some of these people. Maybe even the band. I may actually meet Machinae Supremacy. I dunno what I'm gonna do with myself...

Fangirling aside, I will have to make preparations for the trip and genuinely walk into this alone. Much planning will be involved outside of just having fun. Moving out is gonna be a big step, sure. I am however willing to push that back, if need be. MAGFest isn't gonna wait. It's coming. I want this to be as close to perfect as possible because I've been mentally burnt out the past two months. It's show through VGHC and even at work. Can't have this at work, I make less money that way. When I come back from MAGFest, I have nothing else to shoot for outside of future progression. Getting out of Coral Springs. I have other goals, yes, as stated above, but top priority is leaving my current place of residence.

It's easy to talk about things like this like it is some kind of journey. Such is life anyway. I don't really have anyone to share it with, so thoughts end up in a post like this every month or so. Gives me a chance to sort things out and put out content. Putting out content...something else that needs to happen. Time to suit up and prepare for greatness. Much like the PS4 is still doing about a month after being released. Yeah, I went there. Lots of things do...to the next step. #ToTheFuture

#MaxAttack

P.S. I've made a decision. I'm going to MAGProm on principle alone. I never attended my high school prom. Do I regret it? No, my reason for not going was justified. The fact stands though that I didn't attend. I'm already gonna be there. What's staying up another hour or two? 

Just Another Machine

I came out of a period of a combination of both a rut and not having accomplished what I wanted to in my personal state to fall back in a state of mindlessness that has pretty much been there since I started my most recent job. It's both the best and worst thing that has happened to me. The best because of what I'm able to accomplish because of it. Also, I have become more comfortable with myself as a person. The worst because I put so much into it that on most days, I just don't have the energy for much else. It's like when Sonic comes out of Super Sonic form. Zero rings left. You can't do much without any rings. You get touched, you're dead.

At work, I'm a combination of who I am online and a completely different person that only comes out at work. One who takes no prisoners. If you tell me no, you better have a damn good reason why, because I'm not afraid to call you out on it. I like that I can throw personality into it since we are essentially selling tech support plans for computers but sales is sales. It's brutal and some customers are just flat out stupid or annoying. Also, if you're doing good, you're getting more calls than anyone else. With this new system, by the time my normal shift is done, I'm done. It becomes mentally draining trying to overcome objections all day. I don't like to fight with people but I become relentless. A machine. I've been called this before at work and sometimes it all just comes to me. I don't always know how, it just does. The name is fitting. Too fitting, in fact. When I sit back and think about it, it is actually a bit scary. Epic boosts of confidence are great and all but this can also mean that when you get shut down, it becomes that much worse. Maybe I'm bi-polar? Nah. Crazy thoughts. I have lots of those. Moving on...

A good comparison to help tell my story here is a comparison to Scrooge McDuck in DuckTales: Remastered. Scrooge McDuck is filthy rich. He doesn't even have to think about how to spend his money but at the same time, is stingy with it as well. His money is his life. He's smart about it and he treasures it very much. With that being said, there is a human side to him that comes out. When his nephews get captured, he cares no longer about the money and even seeks the aid of an enemy to save try and save them, even if it means giving up some of his hard earned treasure he collected earlier in the game. We are human after all, so something can trigger you. You can't become completely lost. There is a release somewhere. Some sense of sanity. Something that breaks away from routine.

Here's another example. Classic Mega Man was designed to destroy Wily's robots to keep peace. In the TV show, every now and then, he would show compassion to save Roll, Dr. Light, or Rush. Being that he was "Rock" before becoming Mega Man, he has feelings. Robots can't lie, but Mega Man can sometimes think on his own, regardless of what he was created for. He's more than a robot. When all else failed after Dr. Wily betrayed Dr. Light by running off with the robots they designed together (originally designed for the good of humanity), and the world being at risk as a result, Light made this decision to make Rock into Mega Man. That was his answer. Another machine.

Going back to my scenario, I'm at a point where I have so much going well, I cannot just quit. My job, VGHC, MachinaeTribe and furthermore, the people I've had the pleasure of talking and associating with throughout all of it, all of who I treat as I would want to be treated. The Golden Rule. It is all second nature to me. Where does the time come for yourself though? Where does the time come in to vent? Where do the thoughts racing go when you don't have the energy or even think to talk to someone else? Why not just lose yourself in something you're used to or passionate about and forget about it all? Why not just pass out and start the next day, forgetting about all this? This all happens on a constant basis. A never-ending cycle. Such is life, right?

My life is far from terrible. It is the best it has been but I feel a part of me is gone that may never return. Maybe I just haven't found my true focus or a person to make me realize I can do even more than I do on a routine basis. The fact that ANYTHING different makes me feel great is a sign that I'm a bit too lost in my own world of trying to achieve and do nothing else but just that. The escapes are few and far between however and while I really do enjoy the things I get lost in and do, I become too lost. So lost in fact, I may as well be just another machine.

Mega Man 3 vs Mega Man 2

NOTE: THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE POSTED ON MY BIRTHDAY AND APPARENTLY I NEVER PUT IT THROUGH!!! **FACEPALM**

Alright people, here's the drill. Today happens to be my birthday, so there will be a article on Mega Man. Shocking, eh? There will also be a weekend article. This may or may not actually be the first one on a Saturday or Sunday. Who knows. Let's get this started. We shall start this with the following off the Mega Man 3 Wikipedia page.

Development on Mega Man 3 began at Capcom over a year after the release of Mega Man 2. The lead supervisor for the first two games quit his job at the company during that gap of time.  Artist Keiji Inafune, credited as "Inafking", considered Mega Man 3 as one of his least favorite entries in the series due to "what went into the game and what was behind the release of the game." He had "preset notions" about successful development because of the team's good experience with Mega Man 2 and found that his new superior "didn't really understand Mega Man the way his predecessor did". During the game's production, the developers lost the main planner, so Inafune had to take over that job for its completion. Inafune recalled the final two months of development as particularly turbulent, when he had to take responsibility for assessing and dividing up tasks among the team members who were not meeting deadlines. The team was forced to put Mega Man 3 on the market before they thought it was ready. Inafune concluded, "I knew that if we had more time to polish it, we could do a lot of things better, make it a better game, but the company said that we needed to release it. The whole environment behind what went into the production of the game is what I least favored. Numbers one and two – I really wanted to make the games; I was so excited about them. Number three – it just turned very different."

"Slide, Slide!"

Mega Man 3 was the first game to introduce the slide ability. I tend to be a guns blazing type of player. When the slide was introduced, this meant faster movement. Why just walk when you can slide? The slide made you able to go under certain part of stages but also would allow for sliding under bosses or evading enemies. It added a bit more to the "jumpin' and shootin'" style of gameplay we became used to with the previous two entries. You can't slide in Mega Man 2. Would it be better with the ability to slide? Probably not. It wasn't made with that in mind but I can say I rather be with a slide than without.

Game Length

This is one of the longer entries in the series to beat and its tradition was carried onto future games. The games became longer after this point. You would have the bosses, something in between, which varies from game to game, and then the Wily stages. So what exactly does this mean for Mega Man 3, the game that started this? Onto my next point...

Two games in one...btw...that includes Mega Man 2

Okay, so it's not Mega Man 2. You won't get to hear the music or play the kickass stages. What happens is that after you beat the eight Robot Masters in MM3, you fight eight more which happen to be the MM2 bosses. You get to pick four stages. Each stage has two bosses a piece, each one containing not one but two Robot Masters from Mega Man 2. Each stage contains "Doc Robots" that mimic the actions of the Mega Man 2 robot masters everyone knows and loves. These stages would basically be a second version of the stages played before. Since there are only four, this meant a second version of Spark, Needle, Gemini, and Shadow Man's stages. After you did this...

PROTO MAN!

Proto Man actually plays a role in this game. You fight him in various stages, later on as "Break Man" and he even saves your ass at the end of the game. He was the first Robot creation of Doctor Light, technically speaking (No. 000). Also, he has a epic yellow scarf and a cooler helmet than the main character. Sorry Mega Man.

Stages/Music

Make no mistake, I certainly respect Mega Man 2 for what it is but the fact is this. No matter how many times I play these games back to back, when I was a kid and now as an adult, my opinions has not change. I simply enjoy both the stages AND the music better than Mega Man 2. Feel free to flame me.

Mega Man 3 contains my favorite Robot Master, Magnet Man. Something about him just screams "Hey, I'm a badass" to me. He's pretty quick in the actual fight itself as well. Outside of that, I find Mega Man 3 a more difficult game than Mega Man 2 as well. Mega Man 1 and 2 were both awesome games but your plasma shots did more damage than they should. You really didn't need the enemy weakness to win. Regular shots were a viable option. In Mega Man 3 and onward, your plasma shots didn't do as much damage, making "Buster Runs" harder than they are in the previous two games. One of the things I did as a kid was try to beat all bosses without the enemy weaknesses and use only the standard plasma shots (not the Mega Buster or the charge shot as some call it). Don't get me wrong, Mega Man 5 and 6 were a bit on the easy side but even so, "Buster Runs" were harder from 3-10. I enjoy a game with more of a challenge and this game was it. Once you got the Metal Blade, the game was over. You can run through the game with that. Now you COULD say the same for Shadow Man's Shadow Blade in Mega Man 3 but there is one key difference. Metal Man is easy to take down and you can easily make him the first boss you beat. Shadow Man is harder to take down due to both his pattern as a Robot Master and the fact that your plasma shots again do less damage in MM3 than in MM2.

Mega Man 3 to me offers what 2 did for most. Just better, with more of a challenge and a overall longer gameplay experience. Now as far as better stages and music, that's something I know is up for debate, but this is my opinion after all as it has stood since I first played both games back in the NES days.

Back in the Game

There's been more of these types of posts for two reasons. The first is so I don't completely stray away from gaming and the second is because content really hasn't been something I have much time for written or video lately. I also didn't completely get away from gaming considering I've been playing Pokemon non-stop when it came out after work days to fit in as much progress as possible. If I'm not feeling lazy, I MAY write a review for it. Maybe.

Anyway, here's the drill and I'm gonna make this short and sweet. I've had some personal challenges to tackle. I made all the wrong choices for myself in regards to doing something I should have done years ago. Mario Kart should not be the only thing I know how to drive in. I put it off and found every excuse in the book not to do it. I grew tired of this and have been putting much into this when not working, the end result is both success and freedom in the form of a licence and...

A car. Was long overdue.

In other news, I'm working on two videos that are Machinae Supremacy related that will likely be on the Video Gaming Hard Corps channel as per usual. There's also video #300 for the channel that needs to go up. Got a few things in motion but when do I not? I have also decided to game for a entire day (or as close to it as possible with a stream for charity. I am joining Tom Hall's team via Extra Life. Link for that to be found here.

Anyway, I've been rather quiet lately and I seek to change that soon. Needed to make things easier on myself before going in full force with other aspects of my life that are important but not as important as thing IRL, because responsibilities. Kirby, it's time to wake up. Full speed ahead. He seems happy.

I'm back people. Take no prisoners. To the future.

Ain't No Rest for the Wicked

...Money don't grow on trees. I've got bills to pay, I've got mouths to feed...alright maybe not any but my own, but you get the idea. It's that future thinking though that can sometimes get me into trouble. Every time I want to hit the off switch, certain thoughts just come on through and take over. Like some kind of instinct or something. I guess it's hard to break a routine once you're used to it. There's never really a right time to "go dark" for me given how many things I try and do. The only place I really "go dark" constantly is in real life but that's a whole other story. Onto the point!

So I've juggled around a few new things. I recently started a new "Twitch to Tube" series known as "NESPwned". It's EXACTLY what it sounds like. I had a whole week straight of killing it in sales at work and putting out content like it was nothing via VGHC. I did miss one of the five days but I simply forgot. It seems every time I think I have writers block I suddenly come out with more ideas. Long or short. Written or video. I also have something in the works known as "Project Hayabusa". That is also pretty much what it sounds like for anyone who knows that name. Some closer to me or that pay attention may know a bit more but this is more a idea than anything else. I did finally start it though, much like several games and books I have. So many things started but so few finished. When I do finish something, I make sure it's to my liking and then some. I try to apply this the most in my personal life, which I've been doing a stellar job of at both my workplace and personal growth as well as a person.

My latest job got me out of my comfort zone to a level where I've surprised people I know. I was way too shy. To an extent, I still am. I'm introverted after all. At work though, you wouldn't think I was introverted at all. I'm a social butterfly at work. Similar to how I am online. That's kinda scary actually, thinking about it as I write this. On the flip side, when you talk to people on the phone all day, you run into some genuine assholes. After multiple 40-50 hour work weeks of dealing with some of these people, which makes it WAAAAY too easy to then brush people off that act like this in real life. I used to go back and forth a lot with individuals in the hopes of some kind of resolution but why waste your time if they think they know everything, or simply poke at you to be an ass. No real point.

No one is perfect though. Anyone who thinks they are is full of themselves. There are things I still lack confidence in or dare to tackle. Just like playing any game, you don't start off good. You get good with practice. It's that way with most things unless you have some unnatural talent for something. This won't happen for everything you do though. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. You're not gonna catch a Sorceress doing melee attacks...unless you're just starting in the early levels of Diablo II, and want to smack around a few Quill Rats with your staff because your mana regen sucks early on. You also don't run into a group of "Champions" when you know you don't have a fighting chance...unless you're an idiot like me. LoL.

There almost always either a hidden message or something that relates to my personal life in lots of posts I make. When I announce something, I like to be pretty certain of it. It's why sometimes I will stay shut about things until the time is right. My future plans involve getting out of my current place of residence after successfully visiting Maryland for some MAGFest action. Maybe sometime after accomplishing these things, I can get to a long overdue podcast that I will be hosting (Machinae Supremacy related but had to be pushed back), better streams, and a bunch of other stuff that rolls through my head. I swear I have a social life...but only so many know this. To those I've seen as of recently, thank you. You've all helped more than you know in one way or another.

Oh and also...Kirby is still sleeping. Just a little while longer and then we shall come back full force, won't we Kirby?

                                               

My Thoughts Are In Another Castle?

Isn't Kirby cute when he's sleeping? Kirby has been in lots of games and has accomplished lots of things. He does this with little to say (nothing actually) and from time to time will even help out a enemy for the sake of peace. Kirby is one tough cookie.

As tough as Kirby is for a cute pink ball of fluff, everyone has a limit. I fear I may have reached mine or am just drawing blanks. There are multiple things I could be working on and I usually go from one thing to the next if I can't think of anything to do at the time. Some things come naturally, like work. Everyone has to make a living. In doing so though, it seems I lost myself somewhere. Maybe it's this month of work not being as good as the past two have been. Maybe it's trying to accomplish more of what I have not and not quite getting there. If you asked me what's going on, I really couldn't tell you. I can't even tell myself. I had several ideas for articles on the Video Gaming Hard Corps site but couldn't find where I posted these ideas. They are on my wall somewhere. Usually I'm in the zone and remember these things. Maybe I did remember them all and didn't realize it.

This post won't make much sense much like my current thoughts. I feel "disconnected" from the world somehow. A strange feeling considering I'm a part of two active communities online via Facebook that I love dearly. I still exist and will make my presence known when necessary. One has to live after all. Is it living though if you're not all there? While I'm going through the motions, my mind is like Kirby here. Seems to be exhausted to an extent and I'm really not sure why. Someone needs to come by with Kirby's "Mic" ability or "Crash" and wake me up. I only want "Sleep" to kick in when I actually want it and that doesn't even happen lots of nights when I first hit the sack.

There's rarely a time where I don't have lots going on inside this head of mine, but none of it lately has been for new content of any sort. Usually this lasts only a day and I figured I'd get home and come up with something today. Well, I did. It's this. Something where I can still talk about gaming to an extent, even if not quite the way I planned to. What can I say? Kirby needs sleep. Always adjusting to any given situation, forcing Kirby awake with "Mic" or "Crash" probably won't even work. What's going on under that sleeping cap? Even he doesn't quite know.

All is well, but for now, it's as if I'm like Kirby; in Dream Land.

Cheating At Life?

It's not cheating! It's in the game! The game of life that is. I feel like I have a unfair advantage lately in many things I do now because of the latest job I have in sales. In doing this job, I have had to become more familiar with people in general and basically having to an extent judge the customer and do what I think is best to hopefully get the sale. Some people need an extra push to make a decision. Some people will flat out lie to you about not having money. The idea is to be good at seeking these things out and capitalizing on them.

I was recently in a situation, IRL, where I was browsing around for something. I won't say what, but when you go shopping in lots of places, you find someone willing to help you. Depending on where you go, it's not just about that help, but they want to try and make a sale. One thing you do to make this process go smooth, or at least you hope it goes smooth, is to assume the sale. You will be doing this. You need that. Being on the opposite side was interesting. I never realized how much this has been done to me in the past truly until now. So much that I in fact turned to the salesperson and said "You know it's funny, because I know EXACTLY what you are doing right now." Now the person had two options at that point. Deny it and move on with what they are doing and try to sell me still, or be perfectly honest with me. They chose the latter. Good choice if they wanted any chance of me buying. I didn't buy in this situation but the experience made for a little short story I wanted to share.

Doing sales make it super easy to tell when someone I interact with is being honest or simply being fake. It's never been more obvious. Maybe I should have taken this job sooner? You can't plan everything in life but you can sure as hell get as much of a advantage as possible. I feel my latest work adventures benefit me in and outside of work. Especially on the outside. My confidence is at a all time high, which is saying something, because I'm one of those people that will never let my ego get the best of me. So much, to where at times, I don't give myself enough credit. I started my job talking to almost no one on my team, to talking with anyone I want to. One thing that is easy to do in sales is make excuses. There are people who will admit to their faults and some who will dance around the idea that whatever happens cannot possibly be their fault. You can get bad calls, but eventually, it is you. They aren't ALL bad.

Something I've already been good at in life (for the most part) as far as being able to read people, so to say, has just become something I'm even better at now. It helps for interactions with friends or family and online interactions as well. Maybe I'm just crazy and I'm willing to accept that, but I think I'm onto something with all this and it really makes things that have been stressful in the past just so much easier now. Achievement unlocked.

Winning = > 1:40

He's...gonna knock me out...again...

I've had a personal struggle for quite some time. It's always been there and hinted in a good portion of posts I make on here. There are many things I do where I feel like I get so far just to get knocked out. To help explain both the title of this post and my feelings towards many things I do, I shall reference 'Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!!'.

When you get in the ring with "Iron Mike", if he lands a hit on you, you're done. Get knocked down three times and it's "Game Over". That's it. The first minute and forty seconds (as far as the game is concerned anyway) is this and nothing but this. Mike will keep going at you, and with different timing each punch to throw you off. It may seem like the timing stays the same but once you get used to it, you dodge to early and end up down on the ground. Your odds are very slim for this first bit of the fight. Afterwards, it is difficult still, but the odds are much better for you.

Better luck next time...

Many things don't get past the 1:40 mark for me. Some of which I am ashamed of. At twenty-six years of age, I should have more accomplished than I do. I feel more accomplished than ever since last November, but it's not enough. I'm a thrill seeker. Onto the next best thing. The next six months have a rough, yet solid plan to truly take the next step. It's time to stop downing myself and getting knocked down by Mike.

Things will be hard but much more possible once past that time. You never know what happens until you try, right? Well, in the case of 'Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!' I've beaten him a whopping one time in my entire life. Doing is at all is a accomplishment, but it's only been done once. Unless you get in the ring, you have no chance at all. At this point in time, I'm pushing things past the 1:40 mark and trying to give myself reasons to stay in the ring and tell myself "everything is gonna be okay". Funny how I would be the one saying this at times to others, usually the people closer to me. Maybe I should take my own advice...

I've been held back and it's for all the wrong reasons. I test myself in games, why not in life too? I've been trying it at my latest job to much success. I've gotten on the road recently and NOT killed anyone. I have people walking up to me at work that I don't even know asking me for advice. My favorite band legitimately knows who I am to the point where I have two of the members on my professional network. So perhaps I do know how to start things. Starting something is the hardest part. Getting past that 1:40 mark. The problem is afterward. Keeping the drive to stay in the ring. Some make up for this with somebody or something. Or both. There was a time where I relied on both or one to keep things going. That in itself is a problem. You've gotta do things for you. Because you want to.

Going back to the game, I WANT to beat Tyson again. I go back and try like thirty times and then shut the game off defeated. There's always a obstacle somewhere. Something that stops you from being the very best, like no one ever was. I'm confident now more than ever, but I have this problem when it comes to going full circle on something (closing a sale, for example) or pulling the trigger on something that needs to be done. I can lead but when put on the spot, I freeze up and forget everything.

I can do this...right?

There's an extra push I need to acquire. The same extra push that makes me go for Legendary difficulty in Halo games the very first time playing them. The same push that made me beat Duck Tales: Remastered on Expert on my first try. The same push that landed me first and second place on the sales team I am on over the course of the last two months. I need to apply this to everything and then perhaps the missing pieces will come together. Part of it too is having so many things I want to accomplish at one time. It's possible, sure. Focus on one thing at a time though in a timely matter is the best way. There has to be a reason though. A focus that you make for yourself. Kind of like Final Fantasy XIII, where every character has a "focus". Hopefully though, your focus is less linear, and more exciting than the game I'm referencing.

You Only Live Once. Better make it count. Forget the what ifs and just do it. Tyson knocks you down? Get up. You have two more shots. In life you only get one. The pressure is on but you can't screw up due to only having one life. One thing you never get back is time. You can go buy a Delorian with your hard earned money, but you'll never be able to generate the 1.21 gigawatts to make it happen. No multiple lighthouses. So many thoughts, so little time. Sorting it all out is the hard part. It's the organization of it all. Putting it all together. This post will be made and a part of me will die soon after. The part that still tells myself no.

No does not compute. Success shall continue. Six months. Then and only then will I truly level up. Again.

The Eject Button

As a person who is always thinking about the next best thing, I find it hard to be satisfied in many different situations. Any victory achieved is short lived and I'm onto the next goal or accomplishment. It's hard for me to focus on anything for an extended period of time. As if I look for openings to quit whatever it is I want a release from.

When I dedicate myself to something, you know I take whatever it is, whether it is a game, friend, job, or anything else seriously. It's rare. I always seek a new adventure or thrill. Being dedicated to something is nice, but it becomes routine. If you are passionate about it, the routine part doesn't matter so much. Make sense so far? I hope so...

Being dedicated makes it easy for me to basically want to eject myself from whatever situation it is. It got dull, not worth my time, you name it. Dedication only gets you so far because eventually reality kicks in and you wonder, do I really want to keep doing this? This happened to me with Gears of War 3. As more and more time passed, I cared less for the game. To top it off, the experience I had with friends was never as good as 2; even though it was a inferior game. I slowly found myself fading away from Gears. Judgment came around and I barely know anything about it.

When you are passionate, even if reality kicks in, the reality is that you love what you do. Who cares if it's the same routine? Loving what you do makes you forget these things. So why not love everything? That would be pretty much impossible and way too big of a commitment for anyone. Showing that much care for so many things. It's why people need to find a niche did themselves and stick with it.

One person cannot do it all. You would like to think you can but it simply doesn't work that way. I can play all the single player games I want. Eventually, the urge to play with others will kick in again. Not that you ever have to play games with others if you don't want to, but there are some that perhaps will be easier with others. Why put that extra pressure on yourself?

I've been known to start games and not finish them. Donkey Kong Country Returns, The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time (yes, I haven't played this game, sue me), Pokemon Black 2, and likely other games I am forgetting about. Not because I don't want to but other interests kick in and then I just never go back. I think about it but in the end, never follow through. Every now and then, after huge break, I will go back and finish a game that fits in this category. Either that or I go back, realize I remember nothing about the story, and then quit at that point.

Is this even still making sense? Maybe not. Sounds like I'll be doing on this post what I find myself doing in general if something doesn't peak my interest anymore. Hitting the eject button.

Flying Solo

Today's topic will be about going at it alone. Not because you necessarily want to but because it's best. This is a continuation of sorts to an article that can be found on the Video Gaming Hard Corps website called "Player Two Is Not a Necessity".

I won't sit here and say I didn't get much as kid. I'd even go as far as to say I got more than most. Even with that being said, I can honestly say I worked for a good portion of the things I have in my room. There were several points in my lifetime where I felt like I couldn't necessarily turn to my parents for help. They were there where they can be, sure. No one is perfect though. There was a time where I almost didn't finish high school and really, I had no one but myself to blame. I made some dumb decisions and needed to fix them knowing that options to get various tutors was not an option. An exception was made for math because there was NO WAY I was gonna get through that class otherwise. For everything else, I stepped my game up. This is just one example of many different life situations.

The same applies to gaming. You can get help in lots of different things via co-op modes in games, but it takes away from that thrill of learning and adapting on your own. Plus, if your friends are nowhere to be found, you really have no choice. Take it from me, never get a game to either humor someone, or base it off a single person. You will regret it. When you suddenly find yourself not playing the game how you want it, you'll wonder why you decided to tie yourself down. Ideally, you seek a sense of fairness and try to be at the same level (character wise) or in the same place in the game (progress wise). Nice in theory but doesn't always work out well. When you throw life into the mix, this is even harder to arrange. I recall a more recent arrangement that simply never happened due to lack of time. It was all on me but it stopped me from playing the game. This was for Gears of War: Judgment. I still have barely touched it. Good thing I rented it...

Flying solo is where you truly test yourself as a person and learn the most in general. Sometimes you just have to face the storm on your own. This funny thing always happens where something bad will happen and something good will follow not long after. My latest job in sales is very much like that, although sometimes you will be waiting a long time. When you get that big deal though, it feels good. Damn good. Watching the numbers rise as you write more and more deals. It's like seeing your achievement number go up. I can actually blame my latest job for making me want to try and accomplish more in almost every aspect of life. While I've been dead set to improve things for myself over time, the job has kinda set a new standard for me. A standard in which I shouldn't settle for less than what I deserve, and on top of that, I should try and excel at things I enjoy. Considering how much I enjoy gaming, I end up playing games on the hardest difficulty. Because, why not?

In a game, it's viewed as being a masochist, especially depending on the game. In life, it's simply having the will to challenge yourself. As much fun as it is to be social and enjoy life experiences or games with others, sometimes it just doesn't work out, or they get in the way. It's hard to find an Ellie or Elizabeth nowadays. Someone who can actually be worth having around and will support you. Should one be opposed to a player two? No, definitely not. Just give me an opening and I'll take it. Just know that flying solo is built into my blood. If someone wants to take the journey with me, so be it; but they better live up to the challenge. Just remember as stated in my article that started this, player two is not a necessity. How are you gonna act as a team if you don't even know your own potential? There are things you just have to do alone. Or you could cheat. There is always the cowards route. You can't cheat life though, so IRL you actually have to think things over. It's said thinking though that makes a difference in what you do or don't do throughout the time you are granted here on this earth.

The Next Chapter

Several of my posts have talked about moving forward and stepping things up and honestly, this will be no different. Leveling up either in life or in a game is always a good thing. That being said, my last few months have been interesting in the good old journey called life. On the flip side, I've also been driving myself insane due to lack of time and my only escapes have been some personal escapes, self-dates, or an occasional outing with a friends.

My past few months as a gamer has been mostly me trying to convince myself I am still a gamer. I'm around it constantly as my room is filled with gaming stuff, I run a gaming community, and make content for it on the Video Gaming Hard Corps YouTube page, among several other things, but my time to really play games for myself is quite limited. It will actually become even less and it actually makes me wonder why I even pre-ordered a PlayStation 4.

My past few gaming purchases have been mostly games for my collection. Games that I can justify owning that I will probably never get to. Metal Gear Solid: The Legacy Collection and Retro City Rampage are two games that fit that category. I've also been getting merchandise, such as a BioShock Infinite necklace, a DmC/Combichrist T-shirt and Mega Man 25th Anniversary statue. I have nice things but are these really nice things if I'm standing still IRL? Not really.

The thing is this, I'll never not be a gamer. Gaming is always around me in one way or another. I just can't embrace it quite the way I used to in the past. It will always be a part of me and I am not ashamed of it, but I can't be hard on myself when I don't really have the time to buckle down with a game anymore. Sometimes it's depressing but it is all for the greater good. Which got me doing some serious thinking...

Throughout my life, outside of some bigger achievements as a child (honor roll, TaeKwonDo trophies, ect.) I really can't say that I feel like I've made some huge accomplishment. Starting last November, I've been changing that in every aspect of my personal life. Gaming, DDR (also gaming but with exercise), working, and life accomplishments. I've done quite a bit in these last few months and have two big things that I really did not want to cut down on. Video Gaming Hard Corps and the MachinaeTribe.

The MachinaeTribe is a dedicated Facebook group that celebrates the love and passion for my favorite band, Machinae Supremacy. I came up with a weekly tradition which made me admin in the group upon mentioning it. Every Monday, I host a lobby where people chat and enjoy music from the band. Members of the band even show up at times, which is absolutely amazing. Last week, knowing I'd likely miss a week, I picked out a second co-host for the lobbies. I have co-hosts because due to the difference in time zones, my co-hosts (Tanno and Vickyy) can get in the lobby before me and start the show earlier than I would be able to due to work. I felt bad not being there and the good news is, I shall be working my schedule to where this likely will not happen again. I can still show up at normal time, even with the new arrangements. MachinaeMondays, the tradition I came up with, takes place once a week and is way too cool of a tradition to just suddenly kill off out of nowhere.  The crowds are amazing and allow me to socialize with several people online from across the world. I've decided I can still make this work. The next part is where things get ugly for me inside my head.

Video Gaming Hard Corps is a idea I've put my heart into since around April of 2011. It started as a small dedicated Facebook community, that then became a website which is currently on version 3.0, touched upon eSports by running two successful tournaments, and has several different outlets via TwitchTV, YouTube, Twitter, and Raptr. Its been one heck of a journey. Several hands have been in the efforts that are VGHC over time but the one place where I almost always had no help is the YouTube section. Over 200 videos in, and lots of interactions and experiences in between, I've had to make a decision.

Let's get this out of the way. I'm not ditching Video Gaming Hard Corps, not by a longshot. What I must do however is focus on my life as I am not where I feel I should be for my age. I've let quite a bit hold me back and I won't get into details but I've recently become quite tired of where I stand. Throughout any job I've had, I've never felt two different things; the feeling of being appreciated or the opportunity to turn said job into a career. Over the past two months, I've had both. My job at Inbound Call Experts has changed my life completely.

I've been putting so much time into work that I have had less time to do quite a bit and I'm going to go in even further. Why? My manager wants to see me succeed. I took his advice already and am about 12th place in the entire company for this month. Not bad for someone who has never done sales in his life. I avoided it for quite some time too. Never did I think I'd be at the point I am right now.

Starting this Thursday, I take my manager's advice again and go all in. I will be working close to 60 hour weeks. This leaves little time for much. Here's what I plan on doing:

Sunday: 7am-7pm or 9pm
Monday: 7am-3pm
Tuesday-Thursday: 7am-7pm or 9pm
Friday: Day Off or some more Overtime Hours than I have already
Saturday: Day Off

I'm still trying to work this all out in my head as I've never worked this much before in any job. On the flip side, I've never had the opportunity to quite frankly be able to work pretty much as much as I want and reap some pretty nice rewards from it in the form of what makes the world go round. Money. To do things I want to to do and accomplish goals I have set for myself, I seek quite a bit of money I don't have. This plan shall speed up the process.

I will have Mondays for streams and MachinaeMondays and Fridays for other possible streams, time to work on content, or The Gamer Lobby (VGHC's Bi-Weekly podcast). Sunday nights are still open for InRetroSpection and there is enough content going to YouTube where I don't have to make new content for there to be new videos. This does kind cut my social life but I've basically already gotten used to not having much of that and the bit of it I do have, I make sure it counts. With less time, I will be doing that even more.

To help me manage the VGHC YouTube account, I've selected Joshua Caleb, the host of the InRetroSpection podcast. We have been working together for some time and given that we have similar ideas in regards to videos and such, it was a perfect fit for someone to help with the channel. Given that lots of my personal info is also involved with the VGHC account, it had to be someone I trusted which is something that is quite difficult for me. I find myself better with this as I also have been able to evaluate who I can trust and when. I know what to realistically expect from people I know.

My interactions in Video Gaming Hard Corps isn't much different from interactions in real life. I appreciate all who are involved, but know realistically my most consistent people are Tom Hall and Joshua Caleb. Tom also being a busy guy and not doing videos like Josh and I do, the pick was pretty simple. I won't get into IRL friend selection as this is NOT what this post is for at all. It's a similar process though because as anyone continues on in life, they realize that some people cannot be counted on, simply have other priorities, or their own life to attend to. It's seldom you find someone who meets enough of the same visions as you but when this happens, it's amazing.

Because I really don't want to ramble on too much about all this, I shall put things to a close here. I want to thank everyone, truly, for being around if you have been. This is regards to VGHC, the MachinaeTribe or in real life. For anything I have done, support is always appreciated. While one should be able to carry on solo, it's always nice to have some form of support or someone you can vent to from time to time. To all of you out there, thank you.

In time, things such as my crappy upload speed (just to name one thing) will no longer be an issue, as well as many other things that will be sorted out in pretty much all aspects of my personal life. I'm reaching for the sky and preparing for the future. I've never really thought this far and even considered anything like I have been lately, but I'm ready to take chances and truly embrace wherever this new path takes me.

If you took the time to read this, you cared enough to find out what is going on with me lately, so another thanks to you all who read this as well. Everyone has a point in life where you rise to the occasion or you end up stuck thinking about "what if?" for the rest of your life. I'm choosing the former. I'll have less time for sure but I'm far from gone. KidMachinate still has plenty of adventures coming in the near future and some of these will be the best yet. Maybe one of which will be a personal gaming cave I can completely call my own. I can dream, right?

- Victor Max Vellon

To The Future...

There comes many different times in life where you kind of just take a step back and wonder what other personal accomplishments you want to make. Like what you're doing isn't good enough. What's your next achievement? What's the next game to play? Now that second question, I ask myself a lot but for very different reasons.

I used to ask myself what game I should play to enjoy. I find myself now asking which game should I play so I can possibly make content for it. This could be first impressions for a video, a written/video review, or both. It's fun but it's difficult to both think about how this gets done and then also have to wait on rendering and uploading. Doing this on most night means extra lights on in my room because the computer, my work headset, and other things plugged into the computer put out extra light. That makes me not sleep as well and I value my sleep now more than ever. You'd be amazed what a day of work can do. While I don't do anything that is particularly exhausting physically, mentally it drains me constantly. I'm harder on myself than ever with my latest job.

I'm hard on myself and pushing myself because it is simply what is right for me. I've held back on things in life and it's time to continue building up to a point where I can put plenty of money away for whatever the future may hold. The more rings, coins, and rupees I have in life, the sooner I can accomplish things I'm looking to accomplish in my future. I'm not gonna get too much into my personal life with this as it is simply a statement being made here for the sake of informing people that I'm cutting back on a few things and they are going to be as follows.

1. No more Examiner. I've thought about this for months. I don't write as much there anymore, they pay sucks, and with more restrictions on what I write. The opportunity was great but I also have that elsewhere and it pays me FAR more. This chapter is closed.

2. Nintendo Chronicle as I believe it's called, a smaller Nintendo site in the making that I write for occasionally. Unfortunately, like Examiner, I have been unable to contribute like I want to. Mr. Ajay has a good team on his hands and hopefully with his permission, I'm still allowed to post from time to time if I can. I need to make him aware of this although it's pretty much been that way for some time now.

3. I never wanted VGHC Radio to take the hit that it did but this was yet something else I tried to fit in to a schedule that is now about only have the time I used to have before I got my latest job. It took a real hit to where to my knowledge, it's not a thing anymore. I think I share this feeling with some of my co-hosts, either that or we simply lost the will to do it.

4. This is the tough part. I think the Video Gaming Hard Corps YouTube needs to be cut down. I didn't want to do this until I had a plan for more content, but InRetroSpection, The Gamer Lobby, and the Madness series vids are going to have to do.  I simply don't have the time or energy to put out new videos at the rate I used to and I think MaxAttack may be cut completely. I fell behind due to keeping up with writes for Raptr and I think it's just time to do one more I planned and end on that. The Let's Plays and Impressions are on hold. I simply cannot do it. My time in the day does not line up with my current path. Pretty much nothing that isn't recorded already or planned won't be posted for quite some time if at all. I'd still like to make a video from time to time but the VGHC YouTube channel is really mostly me. It's been that way since the start and there is enough auto-content with our podcasts now to still keep the channel alive.

4. Writes. I've put out lots lately for the new site. Luckily, this part isn't just me. I'm looking to get to a point where this becomes something I don't need to worry about if there is no content. As it stands, the consistent writers (you know who you are) try to cover if there is no content up for the day. That has been my main focus when back from work as it helps the site grow and hence the brand grow. I will NOT stop writes, just hoping to one day just do them weekly and every now and then, I can.

I'm going to be putting more time into work. I've got some encouragement sent my way by my manager that I've never heard from anyone and it's pushing me to just get up and go. I'll be doing my best to work one extra hour each day (except Mondays) and come in for a few hours on Friday mornings. The idea is to work  anywhere from 44-50 hours a week. Some amount of overtime weekly. The time spent at home will be between streams for VGHC, The VGHC Facebook Group, MachinaeTribe, and the VGHC site. Still quite a bit. I need to fit a social life in there somewhere too. This is what has taken the hit the most but there isn't much I can do about that.

I have things I need to do on my own as well. For the first time in my life, I'm not only setting personal goals, but they are being made visible so I can see them each day. I'm reading material now in regards to both my work and self-improvement of sorts. It's time to step things up. Again. I'm one of those guys who's always looking for the next best thing and I think this is the best way to go about it all. At the same time, I'm not willing to throw in the towel on VGHC that I've built from the ground up nor the MachinaeTribe that I've made quite the impact  in since joining, starting MachinaeMondays and my promotion to admin before I even started the idea and just simply brought it up. To all those who continue to support me in anything I do, thank you. It means the world to me.

Nine Years. Nine Lives? Not I.

I want to paint a picture for you all and of course, since this is "The Thoughts and Adventures of Player One" after all, I will use gaming references throughout.

In any gaming achievement where I challenge myself, I push myself to get said achievement (or trophy) or any feat I want to accomplish for that matter. Not all gaming accomplishments are tied to a digital number or percentage. When you want to do something, you simply set out to do it and let nothing stand in your way.

I spent several months trying to accomplish the final achievement I had left in Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare, "Mile High Club". One day, I decided, I will not stop playing this game until I get this achievement. I spent six hours straight trying to get it. I won't say it wasn't frustrating, it MOST DEFINITELY was. Life is like that sometimes, but in the end, there is the possibility of success. Now if you didn't try at all, there is no chance of success.

Now, trying the same thing over and over and expecting different results, is the definition of insanity. As much as I'd like to think that I do the same thing over and over in games and eventually it works, something changes. One slight thing done different is what makes the difference when you are finally successful. Imagine spending nine years of your life on one simple achievement. Let's assume it's not simple, but you're wasting away nine years of your life, simple or not. Not only that but you are trying the EXACT SAME THING each year that passes by. Why not properly apply yourself? Because it's easier to try and take the quick route. To find a quick answer to your problems. Even if it doesn't work, it's a easy method that you hope to dear god will eventually work, and your troubles will be over. After nine years, it matters not what you try. You've become so used to NOT being successful you start to live by it. At this point, it won't change regardless of what you do.

What happens is you end up doing the same stupid things over and over and expecting things to change. Let's go back to Modern Warfare. No matter how many times I kill someone and expect my character to realize there is a dead body there and maybe he should hop over him when I walk up to the dead body, it will not change. The game's mechanics do not allow the action to be done. You can't even jump over (stupid I know). Now with this knowledge, instead of trying to go around, I keep trying to walk over, but not only that, I become mad, frustrated even. The results don't change but it's what I'm used to. It's all I know, so why not do it? At this point, why bother trying? You see, Yoda (Star Wars) pictured above, said it best...

"Do or do not, there is no try". - Yoda

Now this statement isn't completely fair. In certain scenarios, one's efforts deserve credit. To try is to at least put forth an effort. Trying time and time again at times can lead to success. To not try at all would be classified as an excuse. Make enough excuses and you start to believe those excuses. You end up starting to live this way by human nature. If you make no attempt at something it all, you obviously get no results. Trying at least gets you a result, even if it's not the one you wanted. You think I wanted to die a number of times, which I'm sure is somewhere in the triple digits, to be able to get the final achievement? Hell no. But I did do just that and eventually, I would be successful. Excuses simply get you nowhere.

Why hold back, really? I recently started playing DmC (Devil May Cry) again on the PC. When I got the PC version (and realized how much better it is than the consoles) I changed my mind about something that was mentioned to me on a livestream I did for the game. I was asked if I would try and "trophy whore" the game. Looking at the trophy list, I thought no way. My mind changed when I had a functional game. That's another story in itself. The point is, I set a goal for myself, and I went for it. No excuses.

In ten days, with only a few hours to spare each day, I would surpass my PS3 file on the PC, and get near all of the difficulties completed. Another day or two I think would put me through all of Dante's missions through and through. I had gotten all of the retail DmC achievements. Might have been ten days total. Maybe it was eleven. You guys get the idea...

Now I may have touched on this type of message in previous posts, and I feel like lots of them on this very blog obviously come from some personal experience of mine. As a result of this, the posts tend to end like the end of a South Park episode where they reflect on what they learned today. I don't claim to know it all. Anyone who does is just flat out ignorant. What I do know is this. Sometimes, you just have to stare life in the face and take whatever comes at you. In other words, like I said in a VGHC post, embark on a quest to be legendary. Why not, right?

The alternative is being a downer and when all is said and done, no one likes a downer. Eventually people will gravitate away from you and you've no one to blame but yourself. You did nothing to achieve any sort of possible result which could eventually lead to success. Game over, man. You've chosen to accept failure and I feel bad if you do, because that's just flat out boring. That's no way to live. Get a life if need be and start over.

This time, go out there and make it count. You never know what could happen, because this time, things could be different.

The Next Best Thing

Call this an excuse to use a screenshot for "Remember Me" but this picture describes better than words my feelings over the past few years. It is possibly to multitask, but the mind works best focused on one thing. Now this isn't realistic, especially when one has a family. Even so, one thing at a time is best. That's where my problems lies.

The picture shows what one would assume to be a camera that just spotted Nilin, and now she's gonna have to haul ass before she gets shot. This is the thrill, the challenge, the achievement. Slipping in and out of cover and giving yourself something to do and feel good about. Eventually, you become used to things. There is some fun to still be had but it's become something you are used to. For one reason or another, the desire fades. Before you know it, you seek the next best thing; whatever it is that may be.

I've been in and out of lots of things. Work, temp jobs, relationships, friendships, and so forth. It's like I'm never truly happy wherever I am. Eventually, I want something more and it usually only takes a few months. A variety of things will happen during this time. I will start branching off and doing several other things in addition to what I am doing, or do more research on whatever I am involved myself in and drive myself nuts to the point where I don't have the desire to do whatever it is anymore. Or I'll simply not want to do it at all. This process happens much more often than I'd like to admit and is a small part of why I lost my previous job. I stress a small part, because I know I did what I needed to do there.

The same pattern happens with gaming. My "to play" list is huge. I'll attempt to make a list on the spot right here:

DmC: Dante Playthrough (Dante Must Die Mode)
DmC: Vergil Playthough (Son of Sparda Mode)
BioShock Infinite - 1999 mode
Gears of War Judgement - Actually make some progress in the game
Assassin's Creed III - Continue the game, on Sequence 7 and stopped
Pokemon Black 2 - Get past the 2nd Gym after months of not playing

That's just to name a few. I get bored. I want more. I want something else. This happens quite a bit. I become complacent. Even with no real reason to feel this way, it happens. Lately I've achieved more for myself than I have in quite some time, yet the feeling still lingers.

It's like I'm always looking for that next achievement. The next trophy I can show off the the world, but more importantly, to feel like somebody. Everyone has a purpose and someday I seek to find mine. My focus, if you will. This is something I've gone into before, but I figured I'd shine some light on it.

Even with these feelings there, I want to make something clear. I love what I do with Video Gaming Hard Corps, as it has developed to a point where I never thought it would be and I have some awesome people on the team that I have the pleasure of speaking with on podcasts and talking with through the Facebook Group. My current job is what's in question. Not because I can't do it, my numbers are actually much better this month. The potential that lies with my current place of work is the biggest reason I stick around, but certain details have had me thinking lately. So much to the point where I've lost sleep over it. I'm one of those people who tries to think of EVERY possibility and it will hold me back sometimes from doing things because of the fear of doing something wrong. That is actually something this job has helped with. Self-respect and confidence in talking to others. That's of course when I'm not being told to piss off or being threatened over the phone. The latter was actually pretty humorous.

Nobody truly wants to settle in life. If you settle, you're just another person. We're all meant to be more than we think we can be and then some. Crank up life to Insane mode. Be Legendary for a change, or laugh at yourself for trying. You may just be impressed with the results. When it becomes a routine, perhaps a change is in motion. It all varies from person to person.

Now if you all will excuse me, I have to brainstorm for a super secret project that my favorite band of all time is supposed to know nothing about.

Low Profile, Many Results

I'll skip the success stories as much as possible and get right into it. Details aren't important, just what has actually happened.

I've upgraded my TV, monitor and game capture device recently, made a appearance in a music video by my favorite band, and re-launched MachinaeMondays with someone I know in the MachinaeTribe who has been doing great as a co-host. I've been making upgrades to things I have over time, because why not? Everyone likes to have new things.

Skipping all of that, things just really are falling into place. While I only have a path in life (not a plan) if that makes sense, things are coming along smoothly. Soon I'll have all my bases covered debt wise and can start putting away for whatever the future holds for me. I know not where my place in gaming is outside of the place I've made for myself. Known by some, but mostly infamous. Same with my involvement with the MachineTribe, although I'd like to think I'm better connected with the band than I've ever been. The things that have taken place are crazy.

The achievements keep coming, both in gaming and IRL. The biggest change is a increase in self-respect I've  never really had before. I still put others before me, but not at my own expense. Why put yourself at risk or do for others that don't appreciate what is done for them? It's stupid. This brings me into my next topic.

Considering I am trying to make a name for myself (hopefully for the better) I will respond to pretty much anyone online. I'm a friendly person and also trying to stay at least somewhat professional. Real life is very different. I follow more of a "do unto others" attitude in person. While a part of me still likes to play the hero admittedly, I will no longer do so if I know it's not beneficial to my well being in the process. I do nice things, but if it's taken for granted or not appreciated, it's a waste.

Negativity, it's a part of life I suppose. Much like in gaming, I ditch it in real life. Now more than ever. Look, nothing against anyone, really, but if you only complain, you're gonna get ignored. No exceptions. My next path doesn't allow for that kind of nonsense because aint' no one got time for that! Sometimes I find myself let down. It's much harder now with a job again to manage all the things I do which some may not even be aware of. I'm finding a balance for it all though, and I must say, it feels great.

Throughout VGHC and the MachinaeTribe, I have met several people online. It's been great to talk and associate with people all over the country. My love for connectivity online has stayed. It's something I enjoy. My attempts to do it online are much easier than in person, but this is mostly because of the people I know and lack of people being able to be civil around one another. With that being said, I know what groups now work, and which never will. Interacting with people makes up for the fact that I had to ditch Psychology in college. That's another story entirely.

Accomplishment and eye opening things have taken place. In the midst of all this still lies a passionate gamer. Someone now not afraid to put himself out there. I've taken up Dance Dance Revolution yet again. Been in and out of that game for years. I've never been insanely good, but I'm good enough to work off a few pounds and get a good workout. I still try and work at a huge list of "to-play" games when I can. In the end, with me, not much has changed. Internally, I'm the same guy I've always been, I've just changed up my approach. One key element to this is Machinae Supremacy with songs such as "Hero" to start the mornings and inspirational tapes. The rest is simply my new attitude towards life. I won't talk much more about this though, because in the end, people need to find what works for them. I'm comfortable where I am right now, even if it's sometimes admittedly a bit lonely.

I no longer see my ways as a bad thing, even if it sometimes means I don't have a social life. I'm playing it all by ear. To the ones who have truly been around, I thank you. There are many I do the things I do for, but it's the select few that are there for me that get to both see where I am now, actually enjoy it, and appreciate it all with me.

Will You... Remember Me?

This is a strange post I've thought about putting on VGHC, but I really don't think it belongs there even though it is somewhat in relation to gaming. Everyone seeks a focus. Something you want to accomplish to feel good about yourself and your accomplishments. Something that simply makes you sit back and say, you know what? This...this right here is what I shall be known for. It could be a job, it could be a good deed, it could be both. It could be a combination of things.

Capcom's new IP (Remember Me) will feature a girl named Nilin who has no idea who she is. Her memories were wiped, so she has to make a name for herself even more so than a normal person. She's completely lost. As you play the game, one has to assume since she is a "memory hunter" that she will fight along and eventually both realize who she is and make a difference in the setting of Neo-Paris when she comes face to face with the one (Memorise, Nilin's former employer) who wiped her memories clean in the first place. This is her focus, although at first she won't know it and be quite lost. None of us start life knowing what we are going to do. We may dream about it, but there is no guaranteeing that you get to be exactly who you want to be. Not without pushing hard for what you believe in. Working towards a focus.

• Some are remembered for their kindness
• Some are remembered for honesty
• Some are remembered for that shoulder to cry on
• Some are remembered for making you laugh
• Some are remembered for having an impact on another's life
• Some are remembered for sports achievements
• Some are remembered for gaming skills
• Some are remembered for computer skills
• Some are remembered for simply being around where it counts
• Some are remembered for being helpful even when you know you won't ever be helped in return

The list goes on and on and this post comes at a interesting time in both my personal life and my gaming adventures. I've decided some time ago I won't hold back on things. How else will I truly see what I can't or cannot achieve. This mentality has landed my two jobs, the courage to make a music video and submit it to my favorite band (Machinae Supremacy), the launching of a new VGHC podcast and better interest in VGHC overall than ever before. It doesn't stop here.

Or does it? With my latest job, I work 45-50 hour weeks. I've come to realize this recently. While it hasn't held me back too much in certain aspects, it has held me back. Thing is, I couldn't feel better about where I am right now. I just don't always know where that will put me with my friends or my gaming. I've come to terms though that both are becoming that much better. I'm starting to see who my true friends are and some to my surprise I didn't know were there. I'm finding out what family members truly support the things I do. I'm finding online friends that really have great personalities or are great to talk to. With gaming, I'm judging games that much more now. I thought in between jobs, man when I get a new one, I'm gonna buy like every game. Now I ponder if it's really worth the money or just a rent.

Lots of thinking with both things, all leading back to that focus. Where do you stand in life? Where do your adventures take you? I feel like the biggest adventures so far outside of my accomplishments lately are all in my head. Or in a memory...

This will be in the "Remember Me" game somewhere. Yep, me in a game. Go figure.

Looking back, it's all insane that in just three months since I made a pledge to myself, things have gotten better. What if someday you become Nilin? Someday, you just lose your focus. You lose who you are as a person. You forget what your purpose is. Whether you stick to a focus or just start one, one thing is for certain. You give it your all and for that is how you shall be remembered. That becomes your legacy, whatever that legacy may be. I think I've found my focus. It's just a matter of honing in on it and leaving something behind for the world to notice.

Maybe this all sounds crazy, but we aren't getting any younger. My thoughts race like never before and it feels great. It's like I'm achievement hunting IRL. I never really know what's coming lately and what's funny about that is Nilin literally has no way of knowing. It's like she's starting fresh and for me personally, in a way, it feels the exact same.