Changing Your Skillset

This was originally going to be a much more serious note but given the theme of this blog, I had other thoughts on how to make this a bit more interesting.

Imagine having a loadout in Call of Duty that you feel good about but are still getting stomped in matches. Imagine having a Wizard with great skills but you don't quite cut it on higher difficulties. You tried so hard and geared up so well for the occasion just to realize the game is set to have certain classes be better than you by default. No matter what you do, the results are fixed. Someone could walk in brand new one of the pre-determined "good classes" and do better than you by putting in less work. Such is the fate or either a unbalanced game, or the need to buff the classes that aren't as good -- that's the same thing, really. Point being, if you have no control over your situation that is already decided for you, there is no moving forward.

There should always be a desire in one's life to move forward. Going backwards is a downgrade. You always want to do better for yourself. I found myself in a position upon moving which put me in a bind. I had to pinch pennies more than ever. I put myself in debt to move but it had to be done. Well, not quite in debt but I did spend more than I anticipated. I did this thinking I could recover my losses quickly. I made just enough for two months to cover rent, necessary bills, and some groceries. That's all. There wasn't much room for buying what I wanted or treating myself to fancy dinner wherever I wanted. Even more important, if a bill I forgot about came up that needed to be paid, I'd go against money I had saved in a separate bank account. Always have a "plan B" people. A plan C and D doesn't hurt either.

Month three (this month) has been different. I should see better results but all it will do is accomplish paying back on losses I should have recovered from the very next month after moving. With no sign of improvement and more than enough time to think, I decided it was time to step up again. I searched for jobs like crazy during these months. When I wasn't at work, I was lining up interviews in juggling VGHC/MachinaeTribe and MAYBE running a stream or having me time. There would usually only be time for one of those in a day. It's been stressful.

Much like the move from Call of Duty to Titanfall, the choice to leave my current job was a no brainer. The shift felt natural and not forced. If I wanted to dispose of a camper, I could ACTUALLY DO SO with ease. If you run into a camper in Call of Duty that knows the maps inside and out, they find that special spot and are untouchable for the whole match. I think Advanced Warfare MAY fix this problem but how many times do you have to put up with being promised one thing, just to be disappointed later on when said promise was never addressed? When you hear the same excuses year after year, you become the game series that cried wolf. This was the case where I was and I started to feel like less of a employee and more like a cog in the wheel.

To be fair, I made it very clear to my manager that this place has helped me tremendously as a person and financially. I like him versus all the other managers in the building including my previous one. This is not to knock my starting manager however as he was my start with the company and he is good at what he does. Sales is really something that surprised me that I was good at. Is it where I fit? Perhaps not...but I'm good at it apparently. If I can be recognized for what I actually do then I'm willing to take a chance with something new. My new job is a chance for both opportunity and advancement. I know lots of this may sound vague but I am trying to paint the picture to where people can understand. On the flip side, because I like to hold a sense of professionalism, I will not be going into explicit detail about why the leave was necessary.

I didn't want to continue to be in the "boat without a paddle" scenario, so I am doing what I can to not sink. Soon I will have my paddle and can get back on track again. The funny thing about this now finally changing for me is that I'm starting to have some improvement in other life aspects as well. Here are some examples of things I have in motion:

- Possible rotation of site content/Twitch streams for VGHC
- Increasing the MachinaeMondays staff (soon)
- Plans discussed for a future Machinae Supremacy podcast
- Started writing for Machriders and Another Castle
- Finally fixed up some things that I hadn't in the past three months of living in my apartment

I'm in a mode right now where change is a good thing. With change last year, great things came my way. What I needed to realize is this...I've got things to offer to this world. Anyone that doesn't appreciate what I do have to offer, I can simply wish them a good day, and move on to someone else and/or a place that will appreciate me. There's no better feeling than being appreciated in life but for the several times when you are not (rejection happens -- #dealwithit) said feeling must not be a crutch you rely on. Sorry my precious Wizard, we've had good times, but clearly I need to become a Witch Doctor to be good. Maybe somewhere down the line I can be creative, think outside the box, and not be restricted in my ways. I see the bigger picture and I think I will move up to just that. #ToTheFuture

(Yes I used two hashtags in this post)

UPDATE: I've also since this posting played Diablo III patch 2.1.0 which seems to have made other classes than the "pre-determined" classes a bit more viable. But to make my point even more clear after playing D3 with the update, it's become clear that work would never receive a patch update.

Phantom Shadow Album Review

Keeping my mouth shut for months was a hard thing to do but it's about that time where I can speak freely. Some reviews have already been put out there and very soon (if not already upon time of posting this) album number six, Phantom Shadow, by the legendary Machinae Supremacy will now be public for all to enjoy. I'll give you all the tl;dr version right here. Being one of the bigger contributors to the World Tour Fundraiser (WTF) I've had this for months. It HAS NOT left rotation in my car since.

Phantom Shadow marks something a bit different for Machinae Supremacy. It marks the first album to be a concept album. Parts of a story coming from the mind of Robert Stjärnström's have been teased in songs in the past but now, all is told in what is bound to be one of the best concept albums ever made. From start to finish, the album keeps you sucked in both musically, lyrically, and the replay value is there as well to take in the story. From the spoken bit teased in the album trailer that was put out to the epic closer, the album never skips a opportunity to wow you. Speaking of skipping, you won't be skipping tracks on this album, so let's forget that we can even do that at all.

This album has plenty of that thing all Machinae Supremacy fans seem to always want more of but can never get enough of - SID. It's all over the album. The SID presence on this album makes me think of the better days. This is in no way to take away from the last album, Rise of a Digital Nation but regardless of opinion, the album was over way too quickly. Phantom Shadow however offers sixty six minutes of pure win and awesome. Tell me about the album you say? Yeah, I know. You get it. It's awesome.

This album shifts between hard rocking MaSu tracks we all know and love, to slow yet beautiful tracks, to help set the scene for the story told. The former is masterfully done with tracks such as "Throne of Games" and it's thrash-like feel (I'd imagine this track is quite the workout for Niklas) and "The Bigger They Are the Harder they Fall" which are both headbangers for sure. The latter is achieved with one of MaSu's best tracks ever "Europa" and instrumental bits "Captured" and "Mortal Wound". Europa alone is worth giving this album a listen. This standout track offers a kickback to the track "Flagcarrier" with great instrumentals all around and dual vocals from Robert and Ingeborg Ekeland, mixed with stellar acoustic guitar playing by Michael Dawes, as well as beautiful violin work (also via Ingeborg) and equally astounding cello playing from Jessica Wang Cook.

"The Villain of this Story" is a solid opener for the album as fans have come to expect and finishes with SID that is bound to be turned into a ringtone on people's phones. This flows right into a equally as awesome sound bit in the beginning of the very next track, "Perfect Dark". "Renegades" comes off as a "fight song" but also is something to look forward to because of a part in the song that the crowd is bound to sing along to. Also, if you listen closely, you will hear familiar lyrics in this track as well from a older webography track. "The Second One" offers a bouncy track of sorts. Those that think back to A View From the End of the World will be pleased to hear this sequel of sorts to a equally fun track on that album. Those that can never get enough SID will love "Beyond Good and Evil" which was recently released as the first video for the album.

Another highlight for this album is hearing Tomi Luoma at work for the first time in the studio with Machinae. I'd say the fit is great and natural. "Phantom Battle" and "Versus" are great examples of great solos from both himself and Jonne. Brilliant solos are to be heard throughout the album between the two. Anyone that was worried about a different sound has nothing to worry about. None of this is to take away from Andreas of course because I rather enjoy bands where I don't have to have my ear against the speaker to hear the bass. The instrumentals overall are some of the best ever to be heard in a Machinae Supremacy album. Everyone plays as if they are genuinely involved in the story being told on this album. The musicianship reflect this and is part of what makes the album the masterpiece that it is.

Much like select tracks on RoaDN, Robert's vocals are supurb throughout and shows off a good range as the album progresses. Always unique and fitting the sound of the band, Robert puts his all into these tracks. Given that there is a story to tell, the right tones and feelings are there when they need to be. One of the better examples of everything said here is one of the bands best closing tracks yet, "Hubnester Rising". By the time the track fades out, one can easily go back in to listen yet again, and likely get something from the album that they didn't get the first time. This latest album just flows really well and is why I think fans will be stuck on this one for quite some time.

A point made many times, Redeemer is just one of those albums that reeks of creativity and some epic tracks. Many fans point to Redeemer as THE ALBUM (not counting webography tracks) to show off MaSu with to others. Dare I say it now has a contender for first place. If I wanted to be really critical on rating each album, it would be hard to decide if Phantom Shadow or Redeemer takes the slot. If I had to give a quick answer though on the spot, I would say Phantom Shadow takes top slot, hands down. The entirety that the album has to offer sound wise and story wise is simply the best of ear candy there is to offer. The kind of candy you devour yourself in when stress eating but without the shame afterwards - and you come back for seconds.

In conclusion, the fact is this. We shouldn't even try to compare this album to anything that has been released thus far. Being the only Machinae Supremacy concept album to date, it can easily stand on it's own. Because it offers something no other album has before as a whole, it stands as a gem in the collection that should be considered as separate from the bunch. Simply put, Phantom Shadow is not an album. It's an experience.


- Victor Max Vellon

Settling In

Settling in is a nice feeling to experience. I would assume this is the case when you settle in with a significant other and decide to have a family and all that good stuff. We're not talking about that here. We're talking about simply finding yourself at home...and perfect segue into the start of this post...

For a while, I've been looking into getting my own place. SRS business. I think I'm getting close but not ready to reveal details on the matter until things are finalized. I'm kinda drifting away in both the sense that I will be further away from some I'm not far away from and my decisions on how I will be doing this may turn off lots of people but progress is progress and you don't learn anything unless you try. No danger? No regrets. I'll be pushing forward with this with the way I see both most effective and cost-friendly. Holding back to ponder what others think will just hold me back. It's time to pull the trigger. More for sure when things are more set in stone.

In looking for a place, I find myself wanting to find a comfortable spot with as many things as possible. The easiest one to explain would be with gaming. In doing content for games, I still play what I want, when I want. The thing with that however is sometimes after it all, I don't want to play a game on my own for the sake of playing a game. So, I feel like I should be settling in with a select few games when I am not doing content. I made a post along these lines back in December of 2012 called "Deciding on "Go-To" Games for each Gaming Platform". How very wrong it was. I don't really play any of those anymore...although I seek to change that. One of the games this list I plan to settle with. Right now, I have two in mind.

The thing with Titanfall is that it seems like the only way I can get back into a shooter game. Arena shooters are a thing of the past and the modern Call of Duty nonsense got old quickly. I got into Halo 4 for a while but it wasn't long before people stopped playing that too out of the people I play with. Anyone that knows the roots of Video Gaming Hard Corps knows that the big "community game" or sorts was Gears of War 2. Gears was always a topic. Updates and scheduling to play games was a good portion of the group topics and was very well accepted given that it was basically our entire group at the time. Now, VGHC has grown, but with the way things look, Titanfall COULD be the next big game that several of us play and happen to enjoy. Not only that but others who I have not played with before in the community may also want to play. I miss the "Gears of War 2" days and it will be nice to go back to something like that. Community gaming with something I've been hoping comes back with some game out there. One in which close friends as well as people in VGHC can enjoy. Here comes the segue into game number two...

A game that will challenge my gaming habits of "rushing people in the face and seeing what happens" for sure, League of Legends is something I just NEED to learn how to play. At the very least, I want to establish a understanding for the game. It seems a certain "Guy without a Facebook" and a "Frost Queen" would love to teach me, if willing to learn. I've actually gotten this offer from several. Makes me think well of the community. Everyone who is into this game is REALLY into it. There seems to be no middle ground. The thing with this game is I have to dedicate the time. I can't pick this up casually from time to time and expect to be good, or at least not until I understand much more than what I do. When I get settled in with a place in my personal life, I hope to make more time for this as it could be really fun if I do eventually catch onto how the game works. That...and if this happens, I'll likely never be left alone. Someone I know will always want to play. LoL fans are so passionate about the game so I want to understand more about this game that got stupid popular in a short amount of time and is actually considered to be a legit sport now. There are themed pre-paid American Express cards for the damn game based on champions from it. That is insane.

Seems I ran out of steam here. My passion for most outside of routine things I do has been rather...not there...again. Too many things I try to tackle at once. I feel a period of relaxation is in my near future though and then everything will make sense. Or maybe it won't. I'm thinking that will be the case if I decide to pull the trigger on yet something else I have in mind. Too many thoughts. Can't put them all in one place. Well, I can but some other time. It will make for more posts and when I have to words to describe thoughts in my head, they usually end up here. Until next time.

3rr0r$ and W@rn1ng$

WTF were they thinking with this?!?

Everyone likes to win, right? Winning is a funny thing, actually, as success can make or break you. What one does with this when achieved is a funny thing because you never know what is going to happen. If you don't succeed, you fail, and no one wants that; it changes things though. Your outlook on life, the way you act towards others, ect. A lot of recent posts have been a success story or sorts but I can assure you, this is the complete opposite. Whoever you are, you're gonna fail, and in some cases, you will plummet to the ground...hard.

I enjoy results. This has never changed. It doesn't matter if I play a game, sell someone at my job, or have a good time with a group of friends. Maybe I enjoy it a bit too much though. The very source of lots of my old fashioned ways come from home. As I continue to rise and I don't see the same coming from the source, it has become more and more depressing to come home. It's not like terrible to the point where anyone should be legitimately worried, but it's a lingering problem I no longer want a part of. That and it's time to truly start the independent chapter of my life. Do or do not is something I take to the extreme. I've never enjoyed excuses and I feel like the more I hear, the worse I become. Patience fades. The root of all evil becomes apparent and all hell breaks loose.

My works stresses that customers need to attack "the root of the problem". I know what the root of the problem is for me, I just haven't handled it right. Not yet. I'm still stuck in certain way and trying to figure out as much of the journey as possible before pulling the trigger on that next chapter for me personally. I seek answers more than ever, but I shouldn't know all the answers. No one does. I've gotten myself into some bad scenarios financially the last two months. Nothing that really is making enough of a difference to be in debt but any expense not planned, that could have been avoided somehow, is something I continue to give myself crap for.

The thing is this though...I have patience. It does exists. When I seek to help others at work, I have all the patience in the world when it comes to helping. I feel accomplished. Maybe I just figured out my own problem.

A Bob-Omb is a perfect symbol of the lack of patience I sometimes have. They only walk forward so far before blowing up. Not much time given at all. No matter how much I do, something is always missing, and it isn't what I thought it was sometime back. It's not the lack of a princess to call my own. It's not a lack of accomplishment. It's a inability to forgive both myself for silly mistakes I make at times and perhaps others as well. Forgive but don't forget. Sure thing, but have I really mastered the forgive part? Perhaps not. Can you really forgive something like Duke Nukem Forever? Can you really just simply get over the fact that Metroid: Other M completely trashes Samus' character? Can you ever stop reflecting on the fact that your time on Super Mario Bros. 2 was wasted, because it technically all never happened? Will I ever forgive Capcom for not giving Mega Man a proper 25th anniversary?

A short fuse and shutting out the world. He's mad bro...

In real life, I don't really have a consistent group of friends. Not many do. Don't get me wrong, I do have friends. I'd even go as far as to say I'm lucky to have as many as I do that I still talk to from high school. From time to time, they even surprise me with a visit, or message, or something. Party members will change constantly and there is no real way to predict who will stick around. One can hope for a Phantasy Star 4 scenario. Four friends consistent, one there from time to time, with others around as well for when that fifth isn't around. Instead, sometimes you're handed the Final Fantasy XIII scenario, where you are constantly tossed into a party with random people. In reality, you only take so many into the future. There is no real way to figure that out in advance. You can try and perhaps be right about some but also dead wrong about others.

This recklessness of sorts actually helps but can sometimes hurt as well. When it does, it hurts badly, although most of those scenarios are things that involve just me...which I never stop giving myself crap for. This is something that needs work and not just a one time fix either. I need lifetime support. Perhaps this can come from a person or hobby but no. It has to be something I can learn to do. I didn't know how to play Halo before I did. Hell, I was laughed at on stream when I went to play it on Legendary on my first time playing the game. Then look what happened...I succeeded. Funny thing about that, my first MaxAttack video was on Halo 4. What's the theme of MaxAttack? Rushing people in the face and seeing what happens; recklessness. Maybe there's a pattern here. Maybe it can't be fixed, so why not just give up? Maybe that isn't the best idea.

The question remains if there is any turning back. Join up with random parties from time to time to feel relevant and perhaps help said party with something they need. Is it really the same as just simply having a good time? What's more fun, a forced game of Smash Brothers or a game of Mario Party where no one cares what happens?

Is this a post with gaming references thrown in as usual or a accurate psychoanalysis of myself? You decide. Either way, it all sounded good in my head for a post. It's not all fun and games out there. It's not all about winning either. It's also about learning to accept failure. Failure which in turn makes you more knowledgeable to face the next quest. Just don't let it be Fester's Quest because then you are bound to miss any target you shoot for... 

If you've played before, you know this black ball is NOT likely to kill that frog and instead circle completely around him.

United By Heart

What took place during the days of January 1st through January 6th of this year are days I will never forget for the rest of my life. What took place on these six days has forever changed me in several different ways and a time in which I had the most fun I've ever had. On these day, I truly lived on my own and enjoyed it with people that shared the similar interests.

I took a vacation recently. Not only did I do that with 100% approval from my manager from work but I also did it solo. I talked with various people about going to MAGFest XII but in the end, I knew the journey would be solo. What I didn't know is that most of the trip would NOT be spent solo. Not by a longshot. From the very day I flew into DCA airport and then took a cab to Maryland to stay at the Westin, I would meet up with fellow Machinae Supremacy fans. Yeah, you know, that band I rarely shut up about. They were confirmed early the previous year to be coming to MAGFest, which would also mark their first US show. There was NO WAY I was missing this. I planned my year around it. I planned for a lot of things that year as is but if everything else failed, this was a definite. I would start this current year with a bang. I dropped off my stuff at the Westin hotel and made my way around the corner to the Gaylord hotel at National Harbor, MD.

I met up with Clifford Jolly (ExpiredPopsicle from the MachinaeMondays lobby) and his girlfriend Katy the very first day. I spend the afternoon into the night with them. Part of this was eating at a great Thai food restaurant. We chatted about MaSu, life, and games. It was a way to get my feet wet for when days later I would host a event where fans from the MachinaeTribe all meet up before the band plays the next day. It's easy to be outspoken online, not so much in person. While mostly quiet, I found myself not comfortable quickly. Later that night, I would meet up with Cliff again and my friend Angel. We would then end up at the Gaylord and run into yet another MaSu fan, Josh. This would only be the start. The next day would be the first official day of the MAGFest XII festival.

Completely unintentional, I was in contact last night with thou who shall be called Katarina, which is totally her real name, because she told me so. Anyway...the idea was to meet up tomorrow morning. Turns out we never really got in contact and I had a fateful encounter with her and her boyfriend Mike over at the Gaylord the next morning. That wasn't the best transition was it? It's now the next day, PAY ATTENTION! :p

Moving on, I met up with the two of them and made contact with the three from the previous night. Forgive me if I have some days or times mixed up although someone not knowing me IRL wouldn't know the difference anyway. The first group meetup of many would take place in the afternoon hours of this day.

We spent lots of time walking and talking while wondering what to do at this festival. We could have spent more time at shows and we did somewhat, but we all also had some idea of what to do and split our time being hanging out with company, trying to land interviews, attend panels, or watch bands play. Lots of walking though. MAGFest was much like the Lord of the Rings movies, except you're doing much more interesting things when walking, so it's nowhere near as boring. Sorry fans, I was not impressed with those movies. And here we are sidetracked again. You should expect this by now. It's a staple of this blog...

Later this night, some of us would gather for food before heading back to our usual places of wondering back at the Gaylord. Likely back to "The Dungeon" as it has merchandise and a ton of games. Before we drove back, I got a awesome "selfie" with our group. I asked if it was considered one if it was with a group. You decide.

I would find out on the way back that this very location was where Machinae Supremacy just arrived about five minutes after I discovered the post. We rushed over like creeps to try and scout out the band but we also had a band we wanted to see. Getting there and spending about half the time of that bands playtime trying to find the band, I get asked to "make the call". We would continue looking, or be off to see Knight of the Round. I chose the latter, realizing our chances of meeting up at this point was slim.

So here we are, jumping into a show and enjoying the sounds and visuals. It was a Final Fantasy cover band that I heard about only recently from yet ANOTHER encounter that was separate from the MaSu stuff. Turns out that during this show, I was jumped, glomped, whatever term you want to use out of nowhere by Mr. Robert Stjarnstrom himself with Niklas Karvonen and Andreas Gerdin not too far behind. I was approached by members of my favorite band of all time. I was in complete shock and not long after this feeling was shared with the people that were with me. Not long in, we were all watching the show together. They were one of us. It's like the band status disappears and they became part of the crowd. Hanging with Machinae Supremacy is exactly like I thought it would be.

To try my best not to make this post extremely long, here is some of what went down from there:

Drinks with fans and the band themselves

Beers and chat with Rob, like a boss. \m/

Group pic at the bar. I tipped him well for granting me this request.

All of this BEFORE the planned fan meetup, which three of the five members of the band would also attend. How could this possibly get any better?!? It did...

Major kudos to these guys showing up for the meetup. You made several people's day as well as mine.

Group pic from the Magfest Machinae Meetup

The Machinae Roundtable ("Machinae AA meeting")

I've got quite my fill at this point and there was still the show that would take place. A bit of the MAGFlu tried to kill my experience, but it failed, as I struck it down, to the ground. Really though, hours before the show, I felt like complete and utter shit. I wasn't about to not have a good time on "gameday" though. It was on this day our consistent group would meet up with James O'Mara. Something about this guy, the way he presents himself. I like him. Good times were had. He's a total nerd like the lot of us and isn't afraid to show it. Kudos dude. Seriously. Maybe next time we see Snake Mountain, eh?

Said person was the first in line in a mission I had announced at the meetup. Tribe members will fill the front ranks for the show, which means lining up in front of the doors before the first band played. The time was discussed and he arrived two hours before that. After a panel, some of my consistent group were not far behind. Good times rolled on after. Here's some more visuals.

During the show, I went nuts. Never rocked out so hard in my life. James and I were jumping up front like jackasses and would look back at the crowd, most of which were Tribe members up front, to recite song lyrics together and so forth. During the "Rise of a Digital Nation" song, I would look back at both Chris Hunt and Chris Cook (people I know from the Tribe as well and spent time with the band beforehand) and scream "Oh shit! We were in that!" referring to the crowd sourced video for the song. Was probably one of the highlights of the actual show. There was also the fact that the band felt very accepted here and it showed in the performance. Also, anyone who attended this stateside made history. We here in the USA were responsible for the Machinae Supremacy's biggest show yet.

At the end of the show many people were very happy. I had managed to catch a drumstick Nicky threw out to the crowd and he personally handed me a wristband after talking to him the previous night about it being something I regret not getting in the webshop before it was sold out. Lots of fans were smiling, excited, embracing one another, ect. As we walked out, I had some people come and thank me for the experience they had between the band meet the previous day as well as the show. Words cannot describe how I felt each time I heard something from someone. As I told one person "I may organize some things but in the end, I'm a fan like the rest of you".

There was also a after show signing/photo session with the band for all and then it was time for "Beer 'O Clock" which turned into a after party. That was fun but became something we had to eventually ditch due to people being out of hand and drunk and such. Because I now know who some of these people actually are now (James has mentioned it but it didn't kick in until after the event) I'm not gonna talk much about that. After that, we made a brief visit to the dungeon before all going our separate ways. Seeing Andreas play Super Monkey Ball was awesome to see. He actually made it look fun.

The day after would be the wrap-up day and when post-MAGFest depression would kick in. We were all about to leave, no doubt, one of the best, if not THE BEST experiences of our lives.

I want to kill the guy who let this picture come out the way it did but this happened and I had so much fun that it didn't affect me as much as it really should.

One more meal...

Machinae Supremacy; the live shows, the band themselves, their music, it is all truly an experience. They care about their fans and essentially become one of us when not on stage. It's everything fans come to expect and non-fans would respect given that not many bands out there seem to care and even reach out to fans like this one does. This experience exceeded my expectations and then some and I know the band likely feels the same way from their visit here to the USA. The people I got to meet, most of which I believe sent me friend requests on Facebook were all quite the pleasure to meet and associate with. I'd like to think some of you, this friendship would be more than just digital, if we were indeed local.

In the bit of downtime (there was very little of it, mostly on packing day) I would also gain a new perspective on life in regards to what I am capable of as a person, a image of who I'd like to see myself with in the future, and even further confidence in myself. Given that this trip was many firsts for me, and that I succeeded with all of it, made me feel great and made me reflect on my success from the previous year leading up to this great start to this one. If I could do it all again, I would in a heartbeat. Maybe I will again someday.