The Eject Button

As a person who is always thinking about the next best thing, I find it hard to be satisfied in many different situations. Any victory achieved is short lived and I'm onto the next goal or accomplishment. It's hard for me to focus on anything for an extended period of time. As if I look for openings to quit whatever it is I want a release from.

When I dedicate myself to something, you know I take whatever it is, whether it is a game, friend, job, or anything else seriously. It's rare. I always seek a new adventure or thrill. Being dedicated to something is nice, but it becomes routine. If you are passionate about it, the routine part doesn't matter so much. Make sense so far? I hope so...

Being dedicated makes it easy for me to basically want to eject myself from whatever situation it is. It got dull, not worth my time, you name it. Dedication only gets you so far because eventually reality kicks in and you wonder, do I really want to keep doing this? This happened to me with Gears of War 3. As more and more time passed, I cared less for the game. To top it off, the experience I had with friends was never as good as 2; even though it was a inferior game. I slowly found myself fading away from Gears. Judgment came around and I barely know anything about it.

When you are passionate, even if reality kicks in, the reality is that you love what you do. Who cares if it's the same routine? Loving what you do makes you forget these things. So why not love everything? That would be pretty much impossible and way too big of a commitment for anyone. Showing that much care for so many things. It's why people need to find a niche did themselves and stick with it.

One person cannot do it all. You would like to think you can but it simply doesn't work that way. I can play all the single player games I want. Eventually, the urge to play with others will kick in again. Not that you ever have to play games with others if you don't want to, but there are some that perhaps will be easier with others. Why put that extra pressure on yourself?

I've been known to start games and not finish them. Donkey Kong Country Returns, The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time (yes, I haven't played this game, sue me), Pokemon Black 2, and likely other games I am forgetting about. Not because I don't want to but other interests kick in and then I just never go back. I think about it but in the end, never follow through. Every now and then, after huge break, I will go back and finish a game that fits in this category. Either that or I go back, realize I remember nothing about the story, and then quit at that point.

Is this even still making sense? Maybe not. Sounds like I'll be doing on this post what I find myself doing in general if something doesn't peak my interest anymore. Hitting the eject button.

Flying Solo

Today's topic will be about going at it alone. Not because you necessarily want to but because it's best. This is a continuation of sorts to an article that can be found on the Video Gaming Hard Corps website called "Player Two Is Not a Necessity".

I won't sit here and say I didn't get much as kid. I'd even go as far as to say I got more than most. Even with that being said, I can honestly say I worked for a good portion of the things I have in my room. There were several points in my lifetime where I felt like I couldn't necessarily turn to my parents for help. They were there where they can be, sure. No one is perfect though. There was a time where I almost didn't finish high school and really, I had no one but myself to blame. I made some dumb decisions and needed to fix them knowing that options to get various tutors was not an option. An exception was made for math because there was NO WAY I was gonna get through that class otherwise. For everything else, I stepped my game up. This is just one example of many different life situations.

The same applies to gaming. You can get help in lots of different things via co-op modes in games, but it takes away from that thrill of learning and adapting on your own. Plus, if your friends are nowhere to be found, you really have no choice. Take it from me, never get a game to either humor someone, or base it off a single person. You will regret it. When you suddenly find yourself not playing the game how you want it, you'll wonder why you decided to tie yourself down. Ideally, you seek a sense of fairness and try to be at the same level (character wise) or in the same place in the game (progress wise). Nice in theory but doesn't always work out well. When you throw life into the mix, this is even harder to arrange. I recall a more recent arrangement that simply never happened due to lack of time. It was all on me but it stopped me from playing the game. This was for Gears of War: Judgment. I still have barely touched it. Good thing I rented it...

Flying solo is where you truly test yourself as a person and learn the most in general. Sometimes you just have to face the storm on your own. This funny thing always happens where something bad will happen and something good will follow not long after. My latest job in sales is very much like that, although sometimes you will be waiting a long time. When you get that big deal though, it feels good. Damn good. Watching the numbers rise as you write more and more deals. It's like seeing your achievement number go up. I can actually blame my latest job for making me want to try and accomplish more in almost every aspect of life. While I've been dead set to improve things for myself over time, the job has kinda set a new standard for me. A standard in which I shouldn't settle for less than what I deserve, and on top of that, I should try and excel at things I enjoy. Considering how much I enjoy gaming, I end up playing games on the hardest difficulty. Because, why not?

In a game, it's viewed as being a masochist, especially depending on the game. In life, it's simply having the will to challenge yourself. As much fun as it is to be social and enjoy life experiences or games with others, sometimes it just doesn't work out, or they get in the way. It's hard to find an Ellie or Elizabeth nowadays. Someone who can actually be worth having around and will support you. Should one be opposed to a player two? No, definitely not. Just give me an opening and I'll take it. Just know that flying solo is built into my blood. If someone wants to take the journey with me, so be it; but they better live up to the challenge. Just remember as stated in my article that started this, player two is not a necessity. How are you gonna act as a team if you don't even know your own potential? There are things you just have to do alone. Or you could cheat. There is always the cowards route. You can't cheat life though, so IRL you actually have to think things over. It's said thinking though that makes a difference in what you do or don't do throughout the time you are granted here on this earth.

The Next Chapter

Several of my posts have talked about moving forward and stepping things up and honestly, this will be no different. Leveling up either in life or in a game is always a good thing. That being said, my last few months have been interesting in the good old journey called life. On the flip side, I've also been driving myself insane due to lack of time and my only escapes have been some personal escapes, self-dates, or an occasional outing with a friends.

My past few months as a gamer has been mostly me trying to convince myself I am still a gamer. I'm around it constantly as my room is filled with gaming stuff, I run a gaming community, and make content for it on the Video Gaming Hard Corps YouTube page, among several other things, but my time to really play games for myself is quite limited. It will actually become even less and it actually makes me wonder why I even pre-ordered a PlayStation 4.

My past few gaming purchases have been mostly games for my collection. Games that I can justify owning that I will probably never get to. Metal Gear Solid: The Legacy Collection and Retro City Rampage are two games that fit that category. I've also been getting merchandise, such as a BioShock Infinite necklace, a DmC/Combichrist T-shirt and Mega Man 25th Anniversary statue. I have nice things but are these really nice things if I'm standing still IRL? Not really.

The thing is this, I'll never not be a gamer. Gaming is always around me in one way or another. I just can't embrace it quite the way I used to in the past. It will always be a part of me and I am not ashamed of it, but I can't be hard on myself when I don't really have the time to buckle down with a game anymore. Sometimes it's depressing but it is all for the greater good. Which got me doing some serious thinking...

Throughout my life, outside of some bigger achievements as a child (honor roll, TaeKwonDo trophies, ect.) I really can't say that I feel like I've made some huge accomplishment. Starting last November, I've been changing that in every aspect of my personal life. Gaming, DDR (also gaming but with exercise), working, and life accomplishments. I've done quite a bit in these last few months and have two big things that I really did not want to cut down on. Video Gaming Hard Corps and the MachinaeTribe.

The MachinaeTribe is a dedicated Facebook group that celebrates the love and passion for my favorite band, Machinae Supremacy. I came up with a weekly tradition which made me admin in the group upon mentioning it. Every Monday, I host a lobby where people chat and enjoy music from the band. Members of the band even show up at times, which is absolutely amazing. Last week, knowing I'd likely miss a week, I picked out a second co-host for the lobbies. I have co-hosts because due to the difference in time zones, my co-hosts (Tanno and Vickyy) can get in the lobby before me and start the show earlier than I would be able to due to work. I felt bad not being there and the good news is, I shall be working my schedule to where this likely will not happen again. I can still show up at normal time, even with the new arrangements. MachinaeMondays, the tradition I came up with, takes place once a week and is way too cool of a tradition to just suddenly kill off out of nowhere.  The crowds are amazing and allow me to socialize with several people online from across the world. I've decided I can still make this work. The next part is where things get ugly for me inside my head.

Video Gaming Hard Corps is a idea I've put my heart into since around April of 2011. It started as a small dedicated Facebook community, that then became a website which is currently on version 3.0, touched upon eSports by running two successful tournaments, and has several different outlets via TwitchTV, YouTube, Twitter, and Raptr. Its been one heck of a journey. Several hands have been in the efforts that are VGHC over time but the one place where I almost always had no help is the YouTube section. Over 200 videos in, and lots of interactions and experiences in between, I've had to make a decision.

Let's get this out of the way. I'm not ditching Video Gaming Hard Corps, not by a longshot. What I must do however is focus on my life as I am not where I feel I should be for my age. I've let quite a bit hold me back and I won't get into details but I've recently become quite tired of where I stand. Throughout any job I've had, I've never felt two different things; the feeling of being appreciated or the opportunity to turn said job into a career. Over the past two months, I've had both. My job at Inbound Call Experts has changed my life completely.

I've been putting so much time into work that I have had less time to do quite a bit and I'm going to go in even further. Why? My manager wants to see me succeed. I took his advice already and am about 12th place in the entire company for this month. Not bad for someone who has never done sales in his life. I avoided it for quite some time too. Never did I think I'd be at the point I am right now.

Starting this Thursday, I take my manager's advice again and go all in. I will be working close to 60 hour weeks. This leaves little time for much. Here's what I plan on doing:

Sunday: 7am-7pm or 9pm
Monday: 7am-3pm
Tuesday-Thursday: 7am-7pm or 9pm
Friday: Day Off or some more Overtime Hours than I have already
Saturday: Day Off

I'm still trying to work this all out in my head as I've never worked this much before in any job. On the flip side, I've never had the opportunity to quite frankly be able to work pretty much as much as I want and reap some pretty nice rewards from it in the form of what makes the world go round. Money. To do things I want to to do and accomplish goals I have set for myself, I seek quite a bit of money I don't have. This plan shall speed up the process.

I will have Mondays for streams and MachinaeMondays and Fridays for other possible streams, time to work on content, or The Gamer Lobby (VGHC's Bi-Weekly podcast). Sunday nights are still open for InRetroSpection and there is enough content going to YouTube where I don't have to make new content for there to be new videos. This does kind cut my social life but I've basically already gotten used to not having much of that and the bit of it I do have, I make sure it counts. With less time, I will be doing that even more.

To help me manage the VGHC YouTube account, I've selected Joshua Caleb, the host of the InRetroSpection podcast. We have been working together for some time and given that we have similar ideas in regards to videos and such, it was a perfect fit for someone to help with the channel. Given that lots of my personal info is also involved with the VGHC account, it had to be someone I trusted which is something that is quite difficult for me. I find myself better with this as I also have been able to evaluate who I can trust and when. I know what to realistically expect from people I know.

My interactions in Video Gaming Hard Corps isn't much different from interactions in real life. I appreciate all who are involved, but know realistically my most consistent people are Tom Hall and Joshua Caleb. Tom also being a busy guy and not doing videos like Josh and I do, the pick was pretty simple. I won't get into IRL friend selection as this is NOT what this post is for at all. It's a similar process though because as anyone continues on in life, they realize that some people cannot be counted on, simply have other priorities, or their own life to attend to. It's seldom you find someone who meets enough of the same visions as you but when this happens, it's amazing.

Because I really don't want to ramble on too much about all this, I shall put things to a close here. I want to thank everyone, truly, for being around if you have been. This is regards to VGHC, the MachinaeTribe or in real life. For anything I have done, support is always appreciated. While one should be able to carry on solo, it's always nice to have some form of support or someone you can vent to from time to time. To all of you out there, thank you.

In time, things such as my crappy upload speed (just to name one thing) will no longer be an issue, as well as many other things that will be sorted out in pretty much all aspects of my personal life. I'm reaching for the sky and preparing for the future. I've never really thought this far and even considered anything like I have been lately, but I'm ready to take chances and truly embrace wherever this new path takes me.

If you took the time to read this, you cared enough to find out what is going on with me lately, so another thanks to you all who read this as well. Everyone has a point in life where you rise to the occasion or you end up stuck thinking about "what if?" for the rest of your life. I'm choosing the former. I'll have less time for sure but I'm far from gone. KidMachinate still has plenty of adventures coming in the near future and some of these will be the best yet. Maybe one of which will be a personal gaming cave I can completely call my own. I can dream, right?

- Victor Max Vellon

To The Future...

There comes many different times in life where you kind of just take a step back and wonder what other personal accomplishments you want to make. Like what you're doing isn't good enough. What's your next achievement? What's the next game to play? Now that second question, I ask myself a lot but for very different reasons.

I used to ask myself what game I should play to enjoy. I find myself now asking which game should I play so I can possibly make content for it. This could be first impressions for a video, a written/video review, or both. It's fun but it's difficult to both think about how this gets done and then also have to wait on rendering and uploading. Doing this on most night means extra lights on in my room because the computer, my work headset, and other things plugged into the computer put out extra light. That makes me not sleep as well and I value my sleep now more than ever. You'd be amazed what a day of work can do. While I don't do anything that is particularly exhausting physically, mentally it drains me constantly. I'm harder on myself than ever with my latest job.

I'm hard on myself and pushing myself because it is simply what is right for me. I've held back on things in life and it's time to continue building up to a point where I can put plenty of money away for whatever the future may hold. The more rings, coins, and rupees I have in life, the sooner I can accomplish things I'm looking to accomplish in my future. I'm not gonna get too much into my personal life with this as it is simply a statement being made here for the sake of informing people that I'm cutting back on a few things and they are going to be as follows.

1. No more Examiner. I've thought about this for months. I don't write as much there anymore, they pay sucks, and with more restrictions on what I write. The opportunity was great but I also have that elsewhere and it pays me FAR more. This chapter is closed.

2. Nintendo Chronicle as I believe it's called, a smaller Nintendo site in the making that I write for occasionally. Unfortunately, like Examiner, I have been unable to contribute like I want to. Mr. Ajay has a good team on his hands and hopefully with his permission, I'm still allowed to post from time to time if I can. I need to make him aware of this although it's pretty much been that way for some time now.

3. I never wanted VGHC Radio to take the hit that it did but this was yet something else I tried to fit in to a schedule that is now about only have the time I used to have before I got my latest job. It took a real hit to where to my knowledge, it's not a thing anymore. I think I share this feeling with some of my co-hosts, either that or we simply lost the will to do it.

4. This is the tough part. I think the Video Gaming Hard Corps YouTube needs to be cut down. I didn't want to do this until I had a plan for more content, but InRetroSpection, The Gamer Lobby, and the Madness series vids are going to have to do.  I simply don't have the time or energy to put out new videos at the rate I used to and I think MaxAttack may be cut completely. I fell behind due to keeping up with writes for Raptr and I think it's just time to do one more I planned and end on that. The Let's Plays and Impressions are on hold. I simply cannot do it. My time in the day does not line up with my current path. Pretty much nothing that isn't recorded already or planned won't be posted for quite some time if at all. I'd still like to make a video from time to time but the VGHC YouTube channel is really mostly me. It's been that way since the start and there is enough auto-content with our podcasts now to still keep the channel alive.

4. Writes. I've put out lots lately for the new site. Luckily, this part isn't just me. I'm looking to get to a point where this becomes something I don't need to worry about if there is no content. As it stands, the consistent writers (you know who you are) try to cover if there is no content up for the day. That has been my main focus when back from work as it helps the site grow and hence the brand grow. I will NOT stop writes, just hoping to one day just do them weekly and every now and then, I can.

I'm going to be putting more time into work. I've got some encouragement sent my way by my manager that I've never heard from anyone and it's pushing me to just get up and go. I'll be doing my best to work one extra hour each day (except Mondays) and come in for a few hours on Friday mornings. The idea is to work  anywhere from 44-50 hours a week. Some amount of overtime weekly. The time spent at home will be between streams for VGHC, The VGHC Facebook Group, MachinaeTribe, and the VGHC site. Still quite a bit. I need to fit a social life in there somewhere too. This is what has taken the hit the most but there isn't much I can do about that.

I have things I need to do on my own as well. For the first time in my life, I'm not only setting personal goals, but they are being made visible so I can see them each day. I'm reading material now in regards to both my work and self-improvement of sorts. It's time to step things up. Again. I'm one of those guys who's always looking for the next best thing and I think this is the best way to go about it all. At the same time, I'm not willing to throw in the towel on VGHC that I've built from the ground up nor the MachinaeTribe that I've made quite the impact  in since joining, starting MachinaeMondays and my promotion to admin before I even started the idea and just simply brought it up. To all those who continue to support me in anything I do, thank you. It means the world to me.

Nine Years. Nine Lives? Not I.

I want to paint a picture for you all and of course, since this is "The Thoughts and Adventures of Player One" after all, I will use gaming references throughout.

In any gaming achievement where I challenge myself, I push myself to get said achievement (or trophy) or any feat I want to accomplish for that matter. Not all gaming accomplishments are tied to a digital number or percentage. When you want to do something, you simply set out to do it and let nothing stand in your way.

I spent several months trying to accomplish the final achievement I had left in Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare, "Mile High Club". One day, I decided, I will not stop playing this game until I get this achievement. I spent six hours straight trying to get it. I won't say it wasn't frustrating, it MOST DEFINITELY was. Life is like that sometimes, but in the end, there is the possibility of success. Now if you didn't try at all, there is no chance of success.

Now, trying the same thing over and over and expecting different results, is the definition of insanity. As much as I'd like to think that I do the same thing over and over in games and eventually it works, something changes. One slight thing done different is what makes the difference when you are finally successful. Imagine spending nine years of your life on one simple achievement. Let's assume it's not simple, but you're wasting away nine years of your life, simple or not. Not only that but you are trying the EXACT SAME THING each year that passes by. Why not properly apply yourself? Because it's easier to try and take the quick route. To find a quick answer to your problems. Even if it doesn't work, it's a easy method that you hope to dear god will eventually work, and your troubles will be over. After nine years, it matters not what you try. You've become so used to NOT being successful you start to live by it. At this point, it won't change regardless of what you do.

What happens is you end up doing the same stupid things over and over and expecting things to change. Let's go back to Modern Warfare. No matter how many times I kill someone and expect my character to realize there is a dead body there and maybe he should hop over him when I walk up to the dead body, it will not change. The game's mechanics do not allow the action to be done. You can't even jump over (stupid I know). Now with this knowledge, instead of trying to go around, I keep trying to walk over, but not only that, I become mad, frustrated even. The results don't change but it's what I'm used to. It's all I know, so why not do it? At this point, why bother trying? You see, Yoda (Star Wars) pictured above, said it best...

"Do or do not, there is no try". - Yoda

Now this statement isn't completely fair. In certain scenarios, one's efforts deserve credit. To try is to at least put forth an effort. Trying time and time again at times can lead to success. To not try at all would be classified as an excuse. Make enough excuses and you start to believe those excuses. You end up starting to live this way by human nature. If you make no attempt at something it all, you obviously get no results. Trying at least gets you a result, even if it's not the one you wanted. You think I wanted to die a number of times, which I'm sure is somewhere in the triple digits, to be able to get the final achievement? Hell no. But I did do just that and eventually, I would be successful. Excuses simply get you nowhere.

Why hold back, really? I recently started playing DmC (Devil May Cry) again on the PC. When I got the PC version (and realized how much better it is than the consoles) I changed my mind about something that was mentioned to me on a livestream I did for the game. I was asked if I would try and "trophy whore" the game. Looking at the trophy list, I thought no way. My mind changed when I had a functional game. That's another story in itself. The point is, I set a goal for myself, and I went for it. No excuses.

In ten days, with only a few hours to spare each day, I would surpass my PS3 file on the PC, and get near all of the difficulties completed. Another day or two I think would put me through all of Dante's missions through and through. I had gotten all of the retail DmC achievements. Might have been ten days total. Maybe it was eleven. You guys get the idea...

Now I may have touched on this type of message in previous posts, and I feel like lots of them on this very blog obviously come from some personal experience of mine. As a result of this, the posts tend to end like the end of a South Park episode where they reflect on what they learned today. I don't claim to know it all. Anyone who does is just flat out ignorant. What I do know is this. Sometimes, you just have to stare life in the face and take whatever comes at you. In other words, like I said in a VGHC post, embark on a quest to be legendary. Why not, right?

The alternative is being a downer and when all is said and done, no one likes a downer. Eventually people will gravitate away from you and you've no one to blame but yourself. You did nothing to achieve any sort of possible result which could eventually lead to success. Game over, man. You've chosen to accept failure and I feel bad if you do, because that's just flat out boring. That's no way to live. Get a life if need be and start over.

This time, go out there and make it count. You never know what could happen, because this time, things could be different.

The Next Best Thing

Call this an excuse to use a screenshot for "Remember Me" but this picture describes better than words my feelings over the past few years. It is possibly to multitask, but the mind works best focused on one thing. Now this isn't realistic, especially when one has a family. Even so, one thing at a time is best. That's where my problems lies.

The picture shows what one would assume to be a camera that just spotted Nilin, and now she's gonna have to haul ass before she gets shot. This is the thrill, the challenge, the achievement. Slipping in and out of cover and giving yourself something to do and feel good about. Eventually, you become used to things. There is some fun to still be had but it's become something you are used to. For one reason or another, the desire fades. Before you know it, you seek the next best thing; whatever it is that may be.

I've been in and out of lots of things. Work, temp jobs, relationships, friendships, and so forth. It's like I'm never truly happy wherever I am. Eventually, I want something more and it usually only takes a few months. A variety of things will happen during this time. I will start branching off and doing several other things in addition to what I am doing, or do more research on whatever I am involved myself in and drive myself nuts to the point where I don't have the desire to do whatever it is anymore. Or I'll simply not want to do it at all. This process happens much more often than I'd like to admit and is a small part of why I lost my previous job. I stress a small part, because I know I did what I needed to do there.

The same pattern happens with gaming. My "to play" list is huge. I'll attempt to make a list on the spot right here:

DmC: Dante Playthrough (Dante Must Die Mode)
DmC: Vergil Playthough (Son of Sparda Mode)
BioShock Infinite - 1999 mode
Gears of War Judgement - Actually make some progress in the game
Assassin's Creed III - Continue the game, on Sequence 7 and stopped
Pokemon Black 2 - Get past the 2nd Gym after months of not playing

That's just to name a few. I get bored. I want more. I want something else. This happens quite a bit. I become complacent. Even with no real reason to feel this way, it happens. Lately I've achieved more for myself than I have in quite some time, yet the feeling still lingers.

It's like I'm always looking for that next achievement. The next trophy I can show off the the world, but more importantly, to feel like somebody. Everyone has a purpose and someday I seek to find mine. My focus, if you will. This is something I've gone into before, but I figured I'd shine some light on it.

Even with these feelings there, I want to make something clear. I love what I do with Video Gaming Hard Corps, as it has developed to a point where I never thought it would be and I have some awesome people on the team that I have the pleasure of speaking with on podcasts and talking with through the Facebook Group. My current job is what's in question. Not because I can't do it, my numbers are actually much better this month. The potential that lies with my current place of work is the biggest reason I stick around, but certain details have had me thinking lately. So much to the point where I've lost sleep over it. I'm one of those people who tries to think of EVERY possibility and it will hold me back sometimes from doing things because of the fear of doing something wrong. That is actually something this job has helped with. Self-respect and confidence in talking to others. That's of course when I'm not being told to piss off or being threatened over the phone. The latter was actually pretty humorous.

Nobody truly wants to settle in life. If you settle, you're just another person. We're all meant to be more than we think we can be and then some. Crank up life to Insane mode. Be Legendary for a change, or laugh at yourself for trying. You may just be impressed with the results. When it becomes a routine, perhaps a change is in motion. It all varies from person to person.

Now if you all will excuse me, I have to brainstorm for a super secret project that my favorite band of all time is supposed to know nothing about.

Low Profile, Many Results

I'll skip the success stories as much as possible and get right into it. Details aren't important, just what has actually happened.

I've upgraded my TV, monitor and game capture device recently, made a appearance in a music video by my favorite band, and re-launched MachinaeMondays with someone I know in the MachinaeTribe who has been doing great as a co-host. I've been making upgrades to things I have over time, because why not? Everyone likes to have new things.

Skipping all of that, things just really are falling into place. While I only have a path in life (not a plan) if that makes sense, things are coming along smoothly. Soon I'll have all my bases covered debt wise and can start putting away for whatever the future holds for me. I know not where my place in gaming is outside of the place I've made for myself. Known by some, but mostly infamous. Same with my involvement with the MachineTribe, although I'd like to think I'm better connected with the band than I've ever been. The things that have taken place are crazy.

The achievements keep coming, both in gaming and IRL. The biggest change is a increase in self-respect I've  never really had before. I still put others before me, but not at my own expense. Why put yourself at risk or do for others that don't appreciate what is done for them? It's stupid. This brings me into my next topic.

Considering I am trying to make a name for myself (hopefully for the better) I will respond to pretty much anyone online. I'm a friendly person and also trying to stay at least somewhat professional. Real life is very different. I follow more of a "do unto others" attitude in person. While a part of me still likes to play the hero admittedly, I will no longer do so if I know it's not beneficial to my well being in the process. I do nice things, but if it's taken for granted or not appreciated, it's a waste.

Negativity, it's a part of life I suppose. Much like in gaming, I ditch it in real life. Now more than ever. Look, nothing against anyone, really, but if you only complain, you're gonna get ignored. No exceptions. My next path doesn't allow for that kind of nonsense because aint' no one got time for that! Sometimes I find myself let down. It's much harder now with a job again to manage all the things I do which some may not even be aware of. I'm finding a balance for it all though, and I must say, it feels great.

Throughout VGHC and the MachinaeTribe, I have met several people online. It's been great to talk and associate with people all over the country. My love for connectivity online has stayed. It's something I enjoy. My attempts to do it online are much easier than in person, but this is mostly because of the people I know and lack of people being able to be civil around one another. With that being said, I know what groups now work, and which never will. Interacting with people makes up for the fact that I had to ditch Psychology in college. That's another story entirely.

Accomplishment and eye opening things have taken place. In the midst of all this still lies a passionate gamer. Someone now not afraid to put himself out there. I've taken up Dance Dance Revolution yet again. Been in and out of that game for years. I've never been insanely good, but I'm good enough to work off a few pounds and get a good workout. I still try and work at a huge list of "to-play" games when I can. In the end, with me, not much has changed. Internally, I'm the same guy I've always been, I've just changed up my approach. One key element to this is Machinae Supremacy with songs such as "Hero" to start the mornings and inspirational tapes. The rest is simply my new attitude towards life. I won't talk much more about this though, because in the end, people need to find what works for them. I'm comfortable where I am right now, even if it's sometimes admittedly a bit lonely.

I no longer see my ways as a bad thing, even if it sometimes means I don't have a social life. I'm playing it all by ear. To the ones who have truly been around, I thank you. There are many I do the things I do for, but it's the select few that are there for me that get to both see where I am now, actually enjoy it, and appreciate it all with me.