3rr0r$ and W@rn1ng$

WTF were they thinking with this?!?

Everyone likes to win, right? Winning is a funny thing, actually, as success can make or break you. What one does with this when achieved is a funny thing because you never know what is going to happen. If you don't succeed, you fail, and no one wants that; it changes things though. Your outlook on life, the way you act towards others, ect. A lot of recent posts have been a success story or sorts but I can assure you, this is the complete opposite. Whoever you are, you're gonna fail, and in some cases, you will plummet to the ground...hard.

I enjoy results. This has never changed. It doesn't matter if I play a game, sell someone at my job, or have a good time with a group of friends. Maybe I enjoy it a bit too much though. The very source of lots of my old fashioned ways come from home. As I continue to rise and I don't see the same coming from the source, it has become more and more depressing to come home. It's not like terrible to the point where anyone should be legitimately worried, but it's a lingering problem I no longer want a part of. That and it's time to truly start the independent chapter of my life. Do or do not is something I take to the extreme. I've never enjoyed excuses and I feel like the more I hear, the worse I become. Patience fades. The root of all evil becomes apparent and all hell breaks loose.

My works stresses that customers need to attack "the root of the problem". I know what the root of the problem is for me, I just haven't handled it right. Not yet. I'm still stuck in certain way and trying to figure out as much of the journey as possible before pulling the trigger on that next chapter for me personally. I seek answers more than ever, but I shouldn't know all the answers. No one does. I've gotten myself into some bad scenarios financially the last two months. Nothing that really is making enough of a difference to be in debt but any expense not planned, that could have been avoided somehow, is something I continue to give myself crap for.

The thing is this though...I have patience. It does exists. When I seek to help others at work, I have all the patience in the world when it comes to helping. I feel accomplished. Maybe I just figured out my own problem.

A Bob-Omb is a perfect symbol of the lack of patience I sometimes have. They only walk forward so far before blowing up. Not much time given at all. No matter how much I do, something is always missing, and it isn't what I thought it was sometime back. It's not the lack of a princess to call my own. It's not a lack of accomplishment. It's a inability to forgive both myself for silly mistakes I make at times and perhaps others as well. Forgive but don't forget. Sure thing, but have I really mastered the forgive part? Perhaps not. Can you really forgive something like Duke Nukem Forever? Can you really just simply get over the fact that Metroid: Other M completely trashes Samus' character? Can you ever stop reflecting on the fact that your time on Super Mario Bros. 2 was wasted, because it technically all never happened? Will I ever forgive Capcom for not giving Mega Man a proper 25th anniversary?

A short fuse and shutting out the world. He's mad bro...

In real life, I don't really have a consistent group of friends. Not many do. Don't get me wrong, I do have friends. I'd even go as far as to say I'm lucky to have as many as I do that I still talk to from high school. From time to time, they even surprise me with a visit, or message, or something. Party members will change constantly and there is no real way to predict who will stick around. One can hope for a Phantasy Star 4 scenario. Four friends consistent, one there from time to time, with others around as well for when that fifth isn't around. Instead, sometimes you're handed the Final Fantasy XIII scenario, where you are constantly tossed into a party with random people. In reality, you only take so many into the future. There is no real way to figure that out in advance. You can try and perhaps be right about some but also dead wrong about others.

This recklessness of sorts actually helps but can sometimes hurt as well. When it does, it hurts badly, although most of those scenarios are things that involve just me...which I never stop giving myself crap for. This is something that needs work and not just a one time fix either. I need lifetime support. Perhaps this can come from a person or hobby but no. It has to be something I can learn to do. I didn't know how to play Halo before I did. Hell, I was laughed at on stream when I went to play it on Legendary on my first time playing the game. Then look what happened...I succeeded. Funny thing about that, my first MaxAttack video was on Halo 4. What's the theme of MaxAttack? Rushing people in the face and seeing what happens; recklessness. Maybe there's a pattern here. Maybe it can't be fixed, so why not just give up? Maybe that isn't the best idea.

The question remains if there is any turning back. Join up with random parties from time to time to feel relevant and perhaps help said party with something they need. Is it really the same as just simply having a good time? What's more fun, a forced game of Smash Brothers or a game of Mario Party where no one cares what happens?

Is this a post with gaming references thrown in as usual or a accurate psychoanalysis of myself? You decide. Either way, it all sounded good in my head for a post. It's not all fun and games out there. It's not all about winning either. It's also about learning to accept failure. Failure which in turn makes you more knowledgeable to face the next quest. Just don't let it be Fester's Quest because then you are bound to miss any target you shoot for... 

If you've played before, you know this black ball is NOT likely to kill that frog and instead circle completely around him.

United By Heart

What took place during the days of January 1st through January 6th of this year are days I will never forget for the rest of my life. What took place on these six days has forever changed me in several different ways and a time in which I had the most fun I've ever had. On these day, I truly lived on my own and enjoyed it with people that shared the similar interests.

I took a vacation recently. Not only did I do that with 100% approval from my manager from work but I also did it solo. I talked with various people about going to MAGFest XII but in the end, I knew the journey would be solo. What I didn't know is that most of the trip would NOT be spent solo. Not by a longshot. From the very day I flew into DCA airport and then took a cab to Maryland to stay at the Westin, I would meet up with fellow Machinae Supremacy fans. Yeah, you know, that band I rarely shut up about. They were confirmed early the previous year to be coming to MAGFest, which would also mark their first US show. There was NO WAY I was missing this. I planned my year around it. I planned for a lot of things that year as is but if everything else failed, this was a definite. I would start this current year with a bang. I dropped off my stuff at the Westin hotel and made my way around the corner to the Gaylord hotel at National Harbor, MD.

I met up with Clifford Jolly (ExpiredPopsicle from the MachinaeMondays lobby) and his girlfriend Katy the very first day. I spend the afternoon into the night with them. Part of this was eating at a great Thai food restaurant. We chatted about MaSu, life, and games. It was a way to get my feet wet for when days later I would host a event where fans from the MachinaeTribe all meet up before the band plays the next day. It's easy to be outspoken online, not so much in person. While mostly quiet, I found myself not comfortable quickly. Later that night, I would meet up with Cliff again and my friend Angel. We would then end up at the Gaylord and run into yet another MaSu fan, Josh. This would only be the start. The next day would be the first official day of the MAGFest XII festival.

Completely unintentional, I was in contact last night with thou who shall be called Katarina, which is totally her real name, because she told me so. Anyway...the idea was to meet up tomorrow morning. Turns out we never really got in contact and I had a fateful encounter with her and her boyfriend Mike over at the Gaylord the next morning. That wasn't the best transition was it? It's now the next day, PAY ATTENTION! :p

Moving on, I met up with the two of them and made contact with the three from the previous night. Forgive me if I have some days or times mixed up although someone not knowing me IRL wouldn't know the difference anyway. The first group meetup of many would take place in the afternoon hours of this day.

We spent lots of time walking and talking while wondering what to do at this festival. We could have spent more time at shows and we did somewhat, but we all also had some idea of what to do and split our time being hanging out with company, trying to land interviews, attend panels, or watch bands play. Lots of walking though. MAGFest was much like the Lord of the Rings movies, except you're doing much more interesting things when walking, so it's nowhere near as boring. Sorry fans, I was not impressed with those movies. And here we are sidetracked again. You should expect this by now. It's a staple of this blog...

Later this night, some of us would gather for food before heading back to our usual places of wondering back at the Gaylord. Likely back to "The Dungeon" as it has merchandise and a ton of games. Before we drove back, I got a awesome "selfie" with our group. I asked if it was considered one if it was with a group. You decide.

I would find out on the way back that this very location was where Machinae Supremacy just arrived about five minutes after I discovered the post. We rushed over like creeps to try and scout out the band but we also had a band we wanted to see. Getting there and spending about half the time of that bands playtime trying to find the band, I get asked to "make the call". We would continue looking, or be off to see Knight of the Round. I chose the latter, realizing our chances of meeting up at this point was slim.

So here we are, jumping into a show and enjoying the sounds and visuals. It was a Final Fantasy cover band that I heard about only recently from yet ANOTHER encounter that was separate from the MaSu stuff. Turns out that during this show, I was jumped, glomped, whatever term you want to use out of nowhere by Mr. Robert Stjarnstrom himself with Niklas Karvonen and Andreas Gerdin not too far behind. I was approached by members of my favorite band of all time. I was in complete shock and not long after this feeling was shared with the people that were with me. Not long in, we were all watching the show together. They were one of us. It's like the band status disappears and they became part of the crowd. Hanging with Machinae Supremacy is exactly like I thought it would be.

To try my best not to make this post extremely long, here is some of what went down from there:

Drinks with fans and the band themselves

Beers and chat with Rob, like a boss. \m/

Group pic at the bar. I tipped him well for granting me this request.

All of this BEFORE the planned fan meetup, which three of the five members of the band would also attend. How could this possibly get any better?!? It did...

Major kudos to these guys showing up for the meetup. You made several people's day as well as mine.

Group pic from the Magfest Machinae Meetup

The Machinae Roundtable ("Machinae AA meeting")

I've got quite my fill at this point and there was still the show that would take place. A bit of the MAGFlu tried to kill my experience, but it failed, as I struck it down, to the ground. Really though, hours before the show, I felt like complete and utter shit. I wasn't about to not have a good time on "gameday" though. It was on this day our consistent group would meet up with James O'Mara. Something about this guy, the way he presents himself. I like him. Good times were had. He's a total nerd like the lot of us and isn't afraid to show it. Kudos dude. Seriously. Maybe next time we see Snake Mountain, eh?

Said person was the first in line in a mission I had announced at the meetup. Tribe members will fill the front ranks for the show, which means lining up in front of the doors before the first band played. The time was discussed and he arrived two hours before that. After a panel, some of my consistent group were not far behind. Good times rolled on after. Here's some more visuals.

During the show, I went nuts. Never rocked out so hard in my life. James and I were jumping up front like jackasses and would look back at the crowd, most of which were Tribe members up front, to recite song lyrics together and so forth. During the "Rise of a Digital Nation" song, I would look back at both Chris Hunt and Chris Cook (people I know from the Tribe as well and spent time with the band beforehand) and scream "Oh shit! We were in that!" referring to the crowd sourced video for the song. Was probably one of the highlights of the actual show. There was also the fact that the band felt very accepted here and it showed in the performance. Also, anyone who attended this stateside made history. We here in the USA were responsible for the Machinae Supremacy's biggest show yet.

At the end of the show many people were very happy. I had managed to catch a drumstick Nicky threw out to the crowd and he personally handed me a wristband after talking to him the previous night about it being something I regret not getting in the webshop before it was sold out. Lots of fans were smiling, excited, embracing one another, ect. As we walked out, I had some people come and thank me for the experience they had between the band meet the previous day as well as the show. Words cannot describe how I felt each time I heard something from someone. As I told one person "I may organize some things but in the end, I'm a fan like the rest of you".

There was also a after show signing/photo session with the band for all and then it was time for "Beer 'O Clock" which turned into a after party. That was fun but became something we had to eventually ditch due to people being out of hand and drunk and such. Because I now know who some of these people actually are now (James has mentioned it but it didn't kick in until after the event) I'm not gonna talk much about that. After that, we made a brief visit to the dungeon before all going our separate ways. Seeing Andreas play Super Monkey Ball was awesome to see. He actually made it look fun.

The day after would be the wrap-up day and when post-MAGFest depression would kick in. We were all about to leave, no doubt, one of the best, if not THE BEST experiences of our lives.

I want to kill the guy who let this picture come out the way it did but this happened and I had so much fun that it didn't affect me as much as it really should.

One more meal...

Machinae Supremacy; the live shows, the band themselves, their music, it is all truly an experience. They care about their fans and essentially become one of us when not on stage. It's everything fans come to expect and non-fans would respect given that not many bands out there seem to care and even reach out to fans like this one does. This experience exceeded my expectations and then some and I know the band likely feels the same way from their visit here to the USA. The people I got to meet, most of which I believe sent me friend requests on Facebook were all quite the pleasure to meet and associate with. I'd like to think some of you, this friendship would be more than just digital, if we were indeed local.

In the bit of downtime (there was very little of it, mostly on packing day) I would also gain a new perspective on life in regards to what I am capable of as a person, a image of who I'd like to see myself with in the future, and even further confidence in myself. Given that this trip was many firsts for me, and that I succeeded with all of it, made me feel great and made me reflect on my success from the previous year leading up to this great start to this one. If I could do it all again, I would in a heartbeat. Maybe I will again someday.