Reload, Refocus, Respawn

A turning point is coming. The Phoenix is a symbol of re-birth.

Anyone with rational thought at one point or another wonders "what if?" at a point in their life. It's something that happens constantly in sales if you fail to make one and something that can drive you nuts when thinking about this in several different scenarios. The key is that you cannot get mad over what you cannot control. Something I've said to many. Sometimes I should really take my own advice...

You are your own worst critic and when I screw something up, I give myself crap. Even if I did nothing wrong, I always think, how could I have made this better. All these thoughts do are reserve unwanted space in your head, so as some inspirational posts say, raise the rent and kick them out. I think this is mostly in regards to people that give you a hard time but thoughts can be just as real, especially if they affect you in real life. Why give myself crap in a year that has proved nothing but mostly successful? There is no reason to.

Something that is tough in both my gaming community and the MachinaeTribe is the power to simply boot someone. I'm not one to abuse power and I am very lax in what I allow or don't allow. Sometimes things will go out of control, so my hand is forced, and I must take action. I tend to "lack patience" but this is mostly in regards to video games. In real life, I'm a pretty forgiving person, a bit too forgiving in fact. Something I'm still fine tuning to this day in all aspects of my life is how much one should be allowed to get away with before I basically throw in the towel. Sometimes, this all bothers me a bit too much, but the results can't be argued with so I still do what I do and enjoy doing it.

Much of what I've done just for fun has turned into much more than I imagined or originally planned for. Things with Video Gaming Hard Corps and the MachinaeTribe are gonna level up next year. I also realize that at times it will be one over the other due to limited time. This is a thought I will struggle with until it comes down to actually acting on these things starting early next year. What comes before both though is working my ass off to get out of my current place of residence. Before all of these thought of the future though (which I inevitably drive myself nuts with thoughts of) there is MAGFest. As if I wasn't excited/anxious enough already, THIS happened on Twitter...

I dunno what I am going to do with myself when this happens...

MAGFest is going to change me. I think I mentioned this in my last post. Lots of firsts will be happening for me with this whole experience and when I come back, it's straight to work. Work like mad to collect money to get out and a new MaxAttack episode the day after I return. Only things I know are certain at this point. Lots of the other future plans are simply in the works. The moving thing is certain to, just a matter of when. It will be as soon a possible. I don't want to take the amount of time Square-Enix has on Final Fantasy Versus XIII (now Final Fantasy XV) to pull something off that I should have been taking steps towards long ago.

Can't change the past but you can change the present to be able to help shape a new future for yourself. This year has taught me a lot. It's time to put in all into practice and get back in the game. Full speed ahead. #ToTheFuture

To The Future II

I still can't believe this will be happening...

The best way to follow up something is to take a look back. Let's take a look at how the first post ended...

"I have things I need to do on my own as well. For the first time in my life, I'm not only setting personal goals, but they are being made visible so I can see them each day. I'm reading material now in regards to both my work and self-improvement of sorts. It's time to step things up. Again. I'm one of those guys who's always looking for the next best thing and I think this is the best way to go about it all. At the same time, I'm not willing to throw in the towel on VGHC that I've built from the ground up nor the MachinaeTribe that I've made quite the impact  in since joining, starting MachinaeMondays and my promotion to admin before I even started the idea and just simply brought it up. To all those who continue to support me in anything I do, thank you. It means the world to me."The support is much appreciated as always. I actually recently put out video #300 for the Video Gaming Hard Corps channel. I still can't believe I've managed to put out three hundred videos, even if only a select few (with the exceptions of some videos) have really seen them at all. It was a look back, much like the first
"To The Future" post was and much like this one will be.

Today, I stayed home from work due to lack of having a voice. This of course gives me more time to do something I do more than actually game anymore. Think. It's like I fall into limbo and when I come back to my senses, it's time to start the next day. While this likely won't change even after moving (still a most definite plan) I will have achieved more at that point. You are your own worst critic and for all that I have done and accomplished this year, 2014 needs to be even better. I'm proud of lots I've done this year but much of it is overdue progression now finally put into place.

Next year needs to be me even more comfortable in my own shoes which needs to show in any VGHC content as well as on the outside world and at work. I haven't been able to bring that same level of energy and confidence to the YouTube videos which is why I want to try and slow those down and only put out what I feel is well...worth putting up. This doesn't include content that makes itself though, like Twitch to Tube videos, InRetroSpection, and so forth.

A rough idea of what will be going down, I posted on a Facebook status. Some of my thoughts need to go somewhere, right?

"Early goal setting for 2K14:

Q1:

- Make a difference via the Machinae MAGFest meet up.

- Finish #ProjectHayabusa

- Machinae Podcast launch?

- GTFO of Coral Springs

- Get myself back in gear for VGHC and make more use of a scary vocal range I know I have for future videos. If I'm brave enough.

- Get a select few with ability to stream on some VGHC streams/YT vids."

Of these things, MAGFest approaches slowly but surely. I rarely go to shows anymore and I'm going to a crazy gaming events of sorts that I am likely to have a stupid amount of fun at. Anxiety however is at a all time high. I've only traveled outside of the state I live in at the time once. I don't count the time where I had to move to Florida. I've never done it alone. Given my nature, the thought of it bothers me none. It's just that I'm actually doing it and for about a weeks time. I had hoped to have at least one other to enjoy this with me but it seems "the final hoorah" will be spent alone. Maybe I'll hit it off well with the Tribe members for the planned meetup. Yeah, I'm kinda planning a event to meet some of these people. Maybe even the band. I may actually meet Machinae Supremacy. I dunno what I'm gonna do with myself...

Fangirling aside, I will have to make preparations for the trip and genuinely walk into this alone. Much planning will be involved outside of just having fun. Moving out is gonna be a big step, sure. I am however willing to push that back, if need be. MAGFest isn't gonna wait. It's coming. I want this to be as close to perfect as possible because I've been mentally burnt out the past two months. It's show through VGHC and even at work. Can't have this at work, I make less money that way. When I come back from MAGFest, I have nothing else to shoot for outside of future progression. Getting out of Coral Springs. I have other goals, yes, as stated above, but top priority is leaving my current place of residence.

It's easy to talk about things like this like it is some kind of journey. Such is life anyway. I don't really have anyone to share it with, so thoughts end up in a post like this every month or so. Gives me a chance to sort things out and put out content. Putting out content...something else that needs to happen. Time to suit up and prepare for greatness. Much like the PS4 is still doing about a month after being released. Yeah, I went there. Lots of things do...to the next step. #ToTheFuture

#MaxAttack

P.S. I've made a decision. I'm going to MAGProm on principle alone. I never attended my high school prom. Do I regret it? No, my reason for not going was justified. The fact stands though that I didn't attend. I'm already gonna be there. What's staying up another hour or two?