It's 5:10 am. I've been up since around 4 am. Why? Well, I set myself up for it, and I'm also anxious/excited about the Mega Man 25th Anniversary Video I am going to be putting out just tomorrow. Let's just right into the topic though. Gaming is always in my life, so I'm trying to make a name for myself. Problem is, I have to juggle that with the need to find a job that grows more and more desperate by the day.
A few weeks back, I made a post about The Future of Video Gaming Hard Corps and this is kind of a follow-up to that as well as clarity. I tend to jump in an out of things. While gaming will always be in my life, I still seek my gaming niche. When running a community, I have to get my feet wet with quite a bit to entertain as well as socialize. While the past six months have not been successful for a job that is paying the bills, I have two as a writer for GamerSyndrome and Examiner.com. The interesting part about the latter is the focus I've put in since it has the most potential to get my name out there and the fact that I've been examining my life quite a bit lately. As cool as it is doing the things I do with VGHC are, I can do better for myself as a person.
I'm not trying to take away from VGHC, I just think that part of this passion I have for it should also be put into strengthening my life as a whole. I've been distant from friends. This has been for several reasons. I won't list them, as I don't want this to be some big emotional post or anything like that, but 2013 is gonna be different and I see it as a year of change. I already have as a person and a close friend that told me he didn't even know who I was anymore. This was however because I finally decided to try out a big gaming franchise I hated on for years. The franchise being Halo, and with Halo 4, I'm loving every minute of it. The point is this, I seek stability. I want it in my life. This means in my family, friends, future girlfriend, and career. Not a job. Jobs are temporary, a career is what moves you forward and you feel comfortable in (hopefully) also with benefits. The closest thing I've ever had to that was my old job, and this new gig over at Examiner, which I recently got promoted in.
It's easy for people to look back and call this lack of a real social life "sad" or "lame" or "boring", but it benefits me. I've been doing me for some time now, because I need it. I've held myself back in life always because of something and things just need to be put in motion. With VGHC 3.0, I plan to have a job to help support that, still write content for places, and continue to take the stances I do for self-respect. With all of this however comes the point in life I've been referring to as "the storm". A storm's coming. I can feel it. It's already started. I'm more willing to push aside the ones who I comes to realize don't really support me or really care if they have me in their lives or not. I think it will continue. Some of these realizations are more harsh than others, and I fear one very close is coming when this new site rolls out. I will have no choice but to face the storm though, because in the end the steps I've taken with VGHC have helped me as a person and made me feel good about bringing up something in gaming from the ground up with the potential for even more growth. In the end, I won't compromise what I feel is ideal for the brand. 3.0 means stick to what works, ditch what doesn't. The problem is, what currently doesn't was part of our "focus" and I'm simply not willing to put in the effort when to this day, I'm the only one who has unless the name "Triple Threat" is involved, and even as far as that goes, I have much to consider.
I'm laid back, and too nice of a guy to be the leader I need to be at times and that's the part that really sucks about the whole thing. I don't regret any of it though. I'm most thankful for the ones I don't know that actually stick around to talk to me or even just leave a comment on my videos. Sometimes that makes all the difference and tells me that I'm not wasting my time. No one is getting any younger. Sticking to what works and ditching what doesn't applies to life as well. The excuses end here. I just want results. Stability.
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