Call this an excuse to use a screenshot for "Remember Me" but this picture describes better than words my feelings over the past few years. It is possibly to multitask, but the mind works best focused on one thing. Now this isn't realistic, especially when one has a family. Even so, one thing at a time is best. That's where my problems lies.
The picture shows what one would assume to be a camera that just spotted Nilin, and now she's gonna have to haul ass before she gets shot. This is the thrill, the challenge, the achievement. Slipping in and out of cover and giving yourself something to do and feel good about. Eventually, you become used to things. There is some fun to still be had but it's become something you are used to. For one reason or another, the desire fades. Before you know it, you seek the next best thing; whatever it is that may be.
The picture shows what one would assume to be a camera that just spotted Nilin, and now she's gonna have to haul ass before she gets shot. This is the thrill, the challenge, the achievement. Slipping in and out of cover and giving yourself something to do and feel good about. Eventually, you become used to things. There is some fun to still be had but it's become something you are used to. For one reason or another, the desire fades. Before you know it, you seek the next best thing; whatever it is that may be.
I've been in and out of lots of things. Work, temp jobs, relationships, friendships, and so forth. It's like I'm never truly happy wherever I am. Eventually, I want something more and it usually only takes a few months. A variety of things will happen during this time. I will start branching off and doing several other things in addition to what I am doing, or do more research on whatever I am involved myself in and drive myself nuts to the point where I don't have the desire to do whatever it is anymore. Or I'll simply not want to do it at all. This process happens much more often than I'd like to admit and is a small part of why I lost my previous job. I stress a small part, because I know I did what I needed to do there.
The same pattern happens with gaming. My "to play" list is huge. I'll attempt to make a list on the spot right here:
DmC: Dante Playthrough (Dante Must Die Mode)
DmC: Vergil Playthough (Son of Sparda Mode)
BioShock Infinite - 1999 mode
Gears of War Judgement - Actually make some progress in the game
Assassin's Creed III - Continue the game, on Sequence 7 and stopped
Pokemon Black 2 - Get past the 2nd Gym after months of not playing
That's just to name a few. I get bored. I want more. I want something else. This happens quite a bit. I become complacent. Even with no real reason to feel this way, it happens. Lately I've achieved more for myself than I have in quite some time, yet the feeling still lingers.
It's like I'm always looking for that next achievement. The next trophy I can show off the the world, but more importantly, to feel like somebody. Everyone has a purpose and someday I seek to find mine. My focus, if you will. This is something I've gone into before, but I figured I'd shine some light on it.
Even with these feelings there, I want to make something clear. I love what I do with Video Gaming Hard Corps, as it has developed to a point where I never thought it would be and I have some awesome people on the team that I have the pleasure of speaking with on podcasts and talking with through the Facebook Group. My current job is what's in question. Not because I can't do it, my numbers are actually much better this month. The potential that lies with my current place of work is the biggest reason I stick around, but certain details have had me thinking lately. So much to the point where I've lost sleep over it. I'm one of those people who tries to think of EVERY possibility and it will hold me back sometimes from doing things because of the fear of doing something wrong. That is actually something this job has helped with. Self-respect and confidence in talking to others. That's of course when I'm not being told to piss off or being threatened over the phone. The latter was actually pretty humorous.
Nobody truly wants to settle in life. If you settle, you're just another person. We're all meant to be more than we think we can be and then some. Crank up life to Insane mode. Be Legendary for a change, or laugh at yourself for trying. You may just be impressed with the results. When it becomes a routine, perhaps a change is in motion. It all varies from person to person.
Now if you all will excuse me, I have to brainstorm for a super secret project that my favorite band of all time is supposed to know nothing about.
